May 8th

Last night was the Nuts Football Awards in London. There were six Rams fans there as far as I could see with our table being made up by a "celebrity" hairdresser and his mate there to present the "Dodgiest Barnet" award. It wasn't exactly a galaxy of stars but in attendance were: Steve Claridge, Dave Beasant, Warren Barton, Chris Kamara, Mark Bright, stacks of models and what appeared to be a couple of tables of young London footballers. (Text this morning- "Asked Kammy about Stan story last night. He said its exactly how it happened" i.e. Stan Ternent roughing up Jagger at Bradford a few years ago). Everyone was generally quite friendly and Dave Beasant didn't even take offence when asked twice in five minutes about a girl he'd been seeing in Long Eaton.

The nicest bloke by far was Kevin Day who works on Match of The Day 2. Simon had met him before when being filmed by MOTD2 at the Fulham game and the acquaintance was soon renewed. Day was presenting the Bargain of the Year Award (nominees: Phil Jageilka, Ken Jones, Elano and winner Roque Santa Cruz) and made comment of the night by saying how strange it was to be reading a list of £5m-£6m players as "bargains" when clubs were going out of business for the sake of a hundred grand. Completely out of kilter with the frivolous style of the ceremony, the host was dumbstruck- his autocue hadn't seen that one coming. The host, by the way, was MTV/ T4 host Dave Berry.

When our moment came, Simon had been nominated by the producer to collect the award from an ex-Big Brother contestant, Chanelle. Dave Berry opened with something about Chanelle wanting to be a WAG, Chanelle pointed to a table of skeleton thin models drinking WKD from Champagne bottles and replied "I think it's that table". Ever the professional, Berry moved swiftly to Simon and asked something along the lines of "you're the worst team in Premier League history...etc...now your getting an award from Chanelle" to which Simon responded with a quip like "it gets worse, an award from another loser" (the exact transcript of this exchange is in the brain cells destroyed by complimentary ice buckets of Champers, WKD and beer with cocktails on the side). We were soon off the stage. I'd love to see how this section of the night is edited.

It was then backstage for photo's of us, the trophy and Chanelle, with Simon assuring her he was only joking. By the time we returned to the main hall, the ceremony was coming to a close...and then the aftershow. Another hour or so and I had to head back to the train station, the night rounded off by a shout of "Up the Rams" from someone as I charged down the escalator in Rams shirt and blazer.

There's no end of photo's of the event so I'll try to get some together soon.     

May 6th

I hope our summer spending isn't too reliant on the Fagan deal becoming permanent. The Hull Fan At Work printed off a few responses to a Fagan story on a Hull website. The comments included: "..he has done nothing since he came back"; "...send him back at the end of the season" and a particularly harsh one "...Fagan is useless and a liability. If he plays we don't stand a chance of going up...He was crap first time round. Gotta hand it to him tho' for taking the money and doing the square root of fcuk [sic] all". 

May 5th

The season just goes from bad to worse for Robert Earnshaw. First he was continually left on the bench by both Davies and Jewell; secondly he was axed from the Wales squad for the first time in years; and now the final indignity- he failed to make a shortlist for the Premier League's best somersaults. The article in the Observer sports mag had a British Olympic gymnast rating six players includng Lua Lua who hasn't played in the Premier League since last season and Wigan's Aghahowa who I can't ever remember scoring, although a photo of him mid air in a Wigan kit suggests he has. Earnie's effort against Arsenal was evidently too late.

For the record, Aghahowa got a perfect "10" for his "half twist into quintuple back flip". The gymnast was less complimentary towards Nani of whom he said "It just looks like he chucks himself. I'm not surprised Alex Ferguson told him to cut it out" accompanied by a picture of Nani in a pose that wouldn't look out of place alongside a twin tower.

May 4th

Now it's official that we're going to get the lowest Premier League points ever, it occurred to me how many times we've revised (i.e. lowered) our targets this season. First off, it was the usual 42 for survival ("41 to go" after the Pompey game), then it became apparent that mid to upper 30's would be enough. Soon it was a case of just getting 15, which didn't seem too tall an order at the time. It's been like a Duckworth/ Lewis method to account for severe ongoing crapness rather than adverse weather. The latest one in my mind was- let's just win two games. For months Reading was nailed on for a dead end of season game where this could happen. Now what happens? After yesterdays sequence of results, Reading suddenly have to beat us. New target- concede less than a hundred goals this season. If we concede less than 15 it's party time!

May 2nd

We got offered a table of eight for the Nuts awards but only four of us can make it. I've heard the marketing women's been on the forum's and she tells me she's been inundated. If you fancy it, details have been posted on SSA but I think it's a lottery now.

May 1st

The Nuts episode is seemingly not over with a potential Ramspace invite to the WKD Nuts Football awards in London next week. Watch this space. All I can say is that whoever did the acting on Monday must have put in a truly storming performance. When I found out the Rams had won Supporters of the Year, I let the Derby Telegraph know. I thought: an award from a national publication; a good news story; a Derby County story; and a good news Derby County story- a rarity this season. Also apt because the Telegraph have been running daily Supporter of the Year profiles along the lines of "Ethel from Allenton has had a season ticket since the 60's". I didn't even get the courtesy of a reply. Meanwhile, Mondays paper ran a big picture story of a women who found a bird nest in her house and also reported the theft of a rabbit and cage.

April 30th

Last week I wrote a bit about the absence of young players this season and the Player of the Year awards really brought this home. The winner of Young Player of the Year was Lewis Price, who at 23 must have been pushing the upper age limit. The award also said a lot about Dean Leacock's season. For some people, Leacock was a contender for the Player of the Year proper last season and he was expected to take the Premier League in his stride. Now he's demoted to the "Young" shortlist and losing out to a player who was signed as back up and played only because of injuries.  

April 29th

Never let it be said that Ramspace are snobbish because we do a turn for The Observer and Times on occasions. Yesterday, we gathered together a few lads for Nuts magazine. The gist of what Nuts wanted to do is covered by the previous entry- in practice it was somewhere between Carry on Camping and Blur's Country House video. The theme of "tea and sympathy" was that the girls gave the lads a cup of tea then asked about the season. On receiving his cup of tea, one of us quipped "that's the only cup we'll be getting this season" to much laughter. It was a brief insight into the process to see that this needed three takes- by which time we could have also done with some canned laughter.

After the interviews we had to display some acting worthy of a BAFTA. One of us left the van (on the count of three) to be waved off by the girls. The same girl then called "who's next?" to the chap waiting outside the van. Queuing up for "tea and sympathy" was the theme but innuendo was thinly veiled. One of the girls' sound check of "who's next for sloppy's?" said it all.  

All in all, a good laugh and strange insight into the media world. From what I can gather, the models are highly regarded in their field yet were basically a couple of girls doing a days work. We were surprised when one of them told us she'd had driven up in a far from glamorous car "lifestyles of the rich and shameless eh?", luckily she either didn't hear or didn't get it.

Hopefully some photo's will appear somewhere on the site in the near future.

April 27th

Ramspace have had the following request:

"You may not be aware of this but Derby County have won something this year - the Nuts Football Awards for the best fans of the season.

We are producing the television show of the awards for MTV and we're planning to come up to Pride Park for the home game against Arsenal to interview some fans. We'll also be bringing a couple of the Nuts girls along to present the award and provide a good photo opportunity so we need some diehard derby fans to take part and i thought you might be the best place to start."

Chris gave them a ring and this was the outcome:

Lads,
 
I have spoken to the producer and the format of this is basically they are going to get some form of trailer delivered to PP around 3-pm. Basically he wants the two girls to be in the truck and they will give (the depressed) Derby fans a cup of tea, a biscuit and talk about the season.
 
The interviews will be 1 by 1 and I guess they'll edit the best bits together. He is very keen to get a shot of lads queuing up for the trailer. Ideally he wants 8 or 10 but doesn't want to send the girls out to get lads unless they have to. they also want someone to present the trophy to. he said he was looking to do the interviews between 18.00 and 18.30.
 
I am apparently going to get a contact phone number before Monday.
 
If you want to google the two girls, I am reasonably sure the names he mentioned were Kayleigh Pearson and Lindsay Strutt.

A few of us can make this but we could do with a few more volunteers. If anyone is going to the match, can be there for 18:00-18:30 and fancies it, drop me an email on s_spaceram@post.com before about 2pm. I'll find out more tomorrow about where they will be etc. and let you know. In the unlikely event that I'm inundated, you're welcome to come for the "queuing shots" later on!

April 26th

A preview of the Arsenal game written for The Observer:

With only three games remaining this season, it looks increasingly likely that Derby will go down in history as, statistically, the worst Premier League team ever. To use the old cliché- the League table doesn’t lie and with one win all season, it’s very difficult to present an argument to the contrary. 

A good argument would be to say “well, we did beat Arsenal”. Arsenal’s season seems to have run aground so some end of season silliness is always a possibility. We haven’t fared badly against the Big Four at home this season, so hopefully it will be a good night on the Rams Farewell Tour.

Due a Big Game:

Kenny Miller- Supposedly our top striker but hasn’t scored this year in the league.

April 24th

The big news today was Journals hero Stan Ternent leaving us to take over at Huddersfield. I had to smile at Pearson graciously saying "We have not sought compensation from Huddersfield". I wonder what the going rate is for a 62 year old assistant implicated in one of the biggest footballing debacles ever known? Jewell was obviously gutted "We already have a new assistant lined up and ready to start work tomorrow". I bet Jagger had Stan's cones and bibs boxed up before you could say "Chris Hutching's in reception for you Paul".

Good luck to Stan though, I hope to see him back at Pride Park one day, facing up the crowd on the edge of the away technical area.

April 23rd

Following yesterdays piece, I had a quick look at The Complete Record and saw that we used 10 home grown players during the 2005/6 season. In addition to those mentioned, Pablo Mills, Marcus Tudgay, Lee Grant, Nathan Doyle and Lionel Ainsworth also appeared. Add to that Jacko, Bolder and Boets who were all signed as kids for nominal fee's and you have thirteen players for the price of Gary Teale. Considering some of the rubbish and mediocrity that has been through the revolving doors in the last couple of years (and under Phil Brown) it begs a few questions such as: has our young talent dried up in the last couple of years?; Have our scouting networks done anything?; How much cash would we have saved if we'd have just shouted down the corridor instead of signing Thome, Thirwell, Fadiga, Currie, Macken, Ryan Smith...the list goes on.

April 22nd

Simon's plea to get Pesch on the coaching staff a couple of days ago (Journals April 18th) made me realise that in his brief and often forgotten spell assisting Terry Westley, Pesch was one of our better no. 2's in recent years. Compared to Ned Kelly, Holdsworth and any post-McClaren Smith assistant (Trewick, Crosby), there's not much competition. (I'll reserve judgement on Stan).

With new Academy Director Phil Cannon on the back page of tonight's Telegraph, it's worth looking at a game during the Westley era. When we drew against Hull at home we had 5 home grown players on duty: Camp, Holmes, Barnes, Nyatanga, and Addison making his debut. According to my calculations, Miles Addison was the last home grown Rams league debutant- almost two years and two weeks to the day.

April 21st

The way The Verdict works in The Observer is: someone from the paper gives you a ring after the match about half six and you chat for ten minutes or so. The aspiring journalist then pieces together a paragraph about the match based on your conversation. I say aspiring as I presume someone working on a Saturday night to ring up the likes of us isn't quite ready for a Pulitzer prize. You never quite know which fragments of your conversation will be pounced upon.

On Saturday, by the time our man received the call he enjoyed a good day in the capital and had a few drinks along the way. Imagine his surprise on Sunday morning when the Observer results section contained a big picture of Alan Stubbs with the tag line "Player of the day: 'Stubbs had a blinding game- a West Ham friend reckons he's the fattest in the Premier League, but he held us together".

April 18th

Text received last night from Simon:

"Pesh video a cracker. Got to put it on the site to cheer everyone up. Get him on the coaching staff. Let's get the bandwagon rolling now"

Here's the video in question, hope it cheers your weekend:

Thanks to whoever complied it and put it on YouTube

(let me know if it's not working)

April 17th

A woman at work, who has no interest or knowledge of football, told me yesterday how she had crossed the path of "a Derby County player" on an internet dating site. They'd looked at each others profiles but the romance ran aground when she asked something like "should I have heard of you?" It would be unfair of me to speculate on the identity of the player given her vague description. For all I know, it could have been an old picture of Tommy Johnson or Pembridge.

April 16th

Latest Fagan news...

Last month Fago left his Premier League berth on the right wing to join Hull on loan. "He wants to play up-front and there is an opportunity at Hull for him to do that" according to Jewell. Craig starts a couple of games up front and gets injured. When fit again, he finds himself on the bench  behind Campbell, Windass and Folan. Last night, Craig returned to the first team and guess what? The man with a goal scoring record that makes Kenny Miller look like Dixie Dean is back on the right wing.

That reminds me, I must buy him a card. It's the first anniversary of his last league goal. (Leicester away last year, which I think was around this time).

April 15th

It looks like someone at the Daily Mirror has got their hands on a copy of Stan The Man (either that or they've been reading Ramspace). In a paragraph entitled "County taking Tern for worse" it begins by saying "The Premier League table suggests that Stan Ternent's stint as Derby assistant boss cannot be rated a complete success" before giving a couple of choice quotes from his book and suggesting Adam Pearson should have read it.  (Can anything associated with Derby County this season be described as a complete success? In a list of people to blame for the debacle, Stan would probably sit about 37th, between the ex-DVD analyst and Benny Feilhaber).

One of the quotes is about Stan's GBH on Jagger during their respective Burnley and Bradford days. Of course, this was brought to you in full weeks ago. For new readers, or those wishing to relive the moment, scroll down to February 28th.

April 13th

(This would have been posted earlier but the Website server was playing up- April 14th)

Around half past two yesterday afternoon, we were sat in the pub surrounded by empty bottles of Fruuli and generally having a good time. I mentioned calling a taxi a couple of times but we had yet to do so. The Jackal then suggested that we forget about the game altogether with the reasoning "the tickets are paid for" (i.e. it wouldn't cost us any more not to go). Almost every matchday has run a similar course this season; great pre-match banter and general chat, abruptly ended by going to the stadium. The afternoon generally goes downhill from there. I was the first to cave in though and Boab duly made the phone call for a taxi.

In Stan Ternent's book he says that in times of adversity, he doesn't hide in the dug out but makes himself as visible as possible to take any flak from the crowd and deflect some from the players. Having recently read the book on a fast plane to China, the Jack commented that he thought Stan would be out at 0-3. Within seconds Stan was stood, arms folded at the edge of the technical area. Our little chuckle was probably the highlight of the first half (me not being the type to clap the opposition for moments of quality).

At half time I recalled the Jackals earlier logic- its not going to cost me anything to leave the stadium now. Considering the likely outcome of the second half, I reasoned that in the best case we might score a consolation and end up losing 1-3. In the worst case Villa might go on to win by four or five. I had little interest in either scenario. So after over two decades of watching the Rams, I left early. Not with ten minutes to go but at half time with hundreds more. It wasn't anger or protest, simply that our afternoon out would be better spent as it had been earlier, sat in the boozer and having a laugh- now with the added bonus of Sky Sports News. 

(An extended remix of this will appear on the Times Fanzone and the main site)

April 10th

The comment about Nyatanga and Macken last week got a mention on the SSA forum. I'd like nothing more than to see Nyatanga succeed and be a home grown part of the Rams future but...

Playing for Wales has undoubtedly increased Nyatanga's stock over the years, especially when he was 17 and playing alongside a defence of Gabbidon, Delaney and Bale whilst rubbing shoulders with Giggs, Bellamy and Davies in the dressing room. I saw the team for the last Wales international though and his defensive cronies were from Oldham, Hull, Stockport and Peterborough. I couldn't help wondering how good you had to be?

Even so, he's been Wales regular for a couple of years and playing a full season in the Championship is good going for any 19 year old. I vote to bring him back on board...then lend him to FC Utrecht. 

April 9th

Derby's proposed link up with Dutch side FC Utrecht is an interesting story. An optimist might think "this really shows some ambition and provides some substance to the more abstract notion of international links. If it's alright for Man U then its alright for us". It might also provide a tenuous reason for a Ramspace trip to the low countries. However, a more cynical person might be thinking "which player in particular from our bottom-of-the-league-with-no-wins-all-season reserve team would you like to borrow for your forthcoming fixtures against Ajax, PSV and Feyenoord? In fact, is there anyone you could lend us?"

My view is that if we're in a position when our reserves are good enough for the Dutch First Division then we're doing alright. Better than this season at any rate.

April 7th

You may have missed the footnote "Malcolm Sent Off" to Motherwell's 1-0 win at Celtic on Saturday. Here's a clip of the incident: Bob Malcolm Sending Off

I'm on duty again for the Times column this week as the other Spaceram recuperates from his Giles Barnes operation: here's the link: Times Column

April 6th

When I'm fast asleep tonight, I expect to hear a booming voice in my mind saying "Sorry my child, I didn't realise Eddie Lewis was playing left back". You have to speculate to accumulate and for three quid, not only could I have won £400+ but could also have sold a couple of interviews to The Star or The Sport on the back of the divine intervention and then bagged a couple of reality TV slots. As it is, I'll have to keep my day job for a while. 

You may also be questioning the Earnshaw bet but as any seasoned gambler knows, I'll get my money back on that one as he wasn't on the pitch when the goal went in. 16/1 is always worth a punt for a centre forward, especially one who is overdue a goal to such an extent that medical experts are currently trying to induce one.

April 4th

The odds on Eddie Lewis being first goal scorer and Derby winning 1-0 at Everton are 344/1. I've had a quid on that, £2 on Lewis to be first scorer at 40/1 and a quid on Earnie at 16/1. I've also had a pessimistic quid on the draw at 4/1 just in case the game doesn't go as I anticipate.

I mentioned my premonition at work a couple of times today. Funnily enough both people asked me if I caught the goal time. I used the same gag on both occasions "I'll go for a kip and let you know in half an hour" as I walked off smiling, they were no doubt shaking their head thinking "David Icke".

(See yesterdays if this sounds even more bonkers than it is already)

April 3rd

I was asked to write a 110 word preview of the Everton game for the Observer with another dozen on who is "due a big game". Here's what I sent:

On F.A. Cup weekend, it’s worth noting that Oldham have won at Goodison Park this season and Barnsley have beaten both Liverpool and Chelsea. After over 30 league games, Derby still haven’t managed to shock anyone with most results going to form. Given our form, that’s not a good thing. Could this be our chance against an out of sorts and injury hit Everton? The Rams “officially” have nothing to lose now so will hopefully play without the fear that has paralysed us away from home on so many occasions. We still want points and goals and will be going for both.

Due a big game:

Robbie Savage- He could be in for a very busy afternoon given Everton’s formation.

I wrote the piece shortly before going to bed last night and experienced a strangely lucid dream. We were playing Everton and I felt ashamed because I'd nominated Savage yet our midfield was: Lewis; Ghaly; Jones...and Malcolm! We won the game 1-0 thanks to an Eddie Lewis goal (he whacked in a rebound from a Kenny Miller shot- the dream was that detailed), as I walked home, I saw the Jackal surrounded by women in a Bingo Hall. What could it all mean? I'm trying to work out which bits of it were surrealist fantasy and which bits weren't. So far I've only discounted Bob Malcolm ever playing for the Rams again. I think it all means- have a bet on Derby to win 1-0 and Lewis to be first goal scorer...I'm off to check the odds.

April 2nd

It's truly amazing that Barnsley have managed to beat Liverpool and Chelsea this season, both fielded strong sides and the Liverpool victory was even at Anfield. Compare this to Barnsley's league form where they get turned over most weeks and are only outside the relegation zone on goal difference. The one notable difference between the league and cup teams is two players who are both cup tied but tend to be automatic choices in the league: Lewin Nyatanga and Jon Macken. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

March 31st

Following on from Chris' Times article last week that compared Derby's season to soccer soap Dream Team, did you see that some crank is trying to buy Mansfield Town and change the name to Harchester United? The rationale being that Harchester have 20,000 fans registered on the Dream Team website so its a sound basis to make some money. The Exeter fan in the Fanzone has written a bit of Sports Journalism on it, if you want the whole story, click here.

March 30th

(link to Times article now added)

I was just thinking the other day what a great player Tito Villa is- shame on the Jackal for making snide remarks about him. Seriously though, it shows what a crazy season this is. Before this weekend, Villa had done very little to impress bar his goal at St Andrews (I had to give marks out of 10 for the Observer that day. I'd decided on 3 for Villa as he'd done nothing. I think I gave him 7 or 8 in the end). Now he's joint top scorer and let's face it, a couple of goals in April will probably win him Player of the Year (including my vote, in spirit at least). If only we'd have swapped our tickets for him (see March 27th), we could have sold him to Fiorentina for £5m and retired.

On the subject of tickets, we had another massive crowd yesterday. I thought yesterday: you have to commend the marketing team, as I sat there in my free seat surrounded by everyone else who uses the same sports centre.

I'm on duty for the Times column this week so click on the link for more on the game: http://timesonline.typepad.com/fanzine_fanzone/2008/03/record-breaking.html

March 28th

One of the new writers on the Times Fanzone is a self proclaimed "freelance sports journalist currently in my 3rd year at Cardiff University studying journalism" (i.e. a student) who really shows some passion for his articles. His latest one starts by discussing the Rams player turnover. According to his calculations "of their [that's our] 16-man squad the average time since each player signed is an incredibly low 8.8 months, that’s 35 and a half weeks". There's a fact for you to quote before tomorrows match.

Whoever said students had too much time on their hands?

(Before all student readers desert me en masse- I've been there).  

March 27th

The Jackal has just laid his hands on a couple of freebies for the Fulham game. I was planning to get a refund for the one's we already had but he advised "...or swap them for Villa...just make sure they don't give you Tito!"

March 26th

Spare a thought for poor Gretna. Their recent financial woes have been well publicised- unpaid players, calling in the Administrators and uncertainty whether the club will even finish the season. After a few harsh weeks, a lot was riding on a bumper crowd against Celtic to ensure survival for another few weeks. However, after problems with the Fir Park pitch (Gretna's temporary home just outside Glasgow), the game was switched to Livingston's ground with no cash sales on the day. As a result just 3,651 attended, surely one of the lowest crowds ever for a match involving Celtic.

Baffled by footballs inflexible bureaucracy, the Gretna manager lamented: "I don't know if I'm just a silly old sod but where is the common sense? If there is a pay-gate on the day, what are they expecting, the Khmer Rouge with Kalashnikovs or football supporters?" A very good point. You can't be too liberal though, next thing you know you'll have people trying to smuggle Kit-Kat's in. (If this is lost on you- a lad a work had a Kit-Kat confiscated after a rigorous body search at Birmingham away as documented in the Journals early Feb) 

March 25th

After Sundays excitement, the Jewell story now seems to be yesterday's chip papers, with a few words in the news section of the Derby Telegraph stating that the video wouldn't affect Jewell's position at the club, according to Pearson. Never one to court controversy, Steve Nicholson uses his column to criticise the behaviour and conduct of Chelsea players, worrying about the bad example being set to kids. Best not to mention Shaggers antic's.

No crimes have been committed though and it didn't do Sven any harm. So now on to the weekend's other scandal- the performance at Middlesbrough. The first half was one of the worst I've ever seen. Many of the after match quotes spoke of a much improved second half. Yes, with an arctic wind behind us we had more of the ball and Ghaly looked quality but even with three strikers on the field, Schwarzer didn't have one save to make.

A word on Middlesbrough: it's fair to say they haven't got the greatest image. Hated by some, disliked by others and worst of all, their local "rivals" are completely indifferent to them. My opinion of them recently rose after reading in the fact rich Stan The Man, that Boro had the highest crowds in the country per head of population (this would have been around 2002). To be fair, the place isn't even a City and has a significantly smaller population than Derby so some of the stick they endure about empty seats is a bit harsh.

We spoke to some Boro fans before the match in the drinker and the chippy; they knew exactly the situation they were in. For saying Boro are one of the few English teams to get anywhere in Europe recently, there was no inflated expectation. One bloke told me he'd be quite happy being sixth in the Championship and winning most weeks rather than scratting around in the Prem. I don't know whether he was trying to make me feel better about next season but he certainly succeeded!

March 24th

The Daily Star picked up the baton today with the headline "Prem Boss Stars in Net Porn". I didn't buy it but from I could gather it was a non-story speculating about the possibility of Jewell's video ending up on the net. It suggests that "portly Paul" could be the Premier League's Paris Hilton by suggesting "the footage could turn him into an unlikely internet sex star like heiress Paris, 27."

Really? Could Jewell be releasing sub-standard pop singles in a couple of years? I can't imagine Jewell holding quite the same attraction myself but The Star assures us "...there is a massive market in freaky tapes...". Ouch!

Being an outsider to the mysterious world of football, I just can't imagine how players react to this kind of thing. Will Jewell's credibility and authority be undermined by the whole thing? Or will he be greeted with shouts of "Hurrraahhh!!! Get in there Gaffer!" followed by High Five's and Big Ten's up and down Moor Farm?

(I fully expect the Journals to rocket up the search engines with the mention of "porn", "sex" and "Paris Hilton" in the space of a couple of paragraphs.)

March 23rd (updated in the evening)

If you haven't seen the Paul Jewell story yet, click on the link below, it contains some of the best puns ever:

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/2303_soccer_sex_shame2.shtml 

Thanks to the reader who sent me the link.

At the time of writing, I don't know what the outcome of this one will be. I can't imagine GSE will be impressed in the slightest given their family oriented marketing approach (family ticket offers, family Easter egg hunts at Pride Park, Glick's regular mention of his family including the puppies). I've got no anti-Jewell sentiments at all but given a moments consideration, what could you say in his favour? Most people would say "he seems a decent, honest bloke" but that doesn't seem the best description all of a sudden.

There are echo's of the Bob Malcolm situation as well. It's a non-footballing matter and if it was [insert name of good or valuable player here. I can't think of one] it would probably be brushed under the carpet. However, if some of the unknown owners are getting twitchy about Jewell's winless streak- now could be the ideal opportunity. I don't think there'd be many fans wielding placards either- yes, Jewell had an impossible task, and yes, we've had a stack of injuries but judging on results only- could it have been any worse?

Several weeks ago (or was it months?)  Simon prophetically said "this could be another Gregory situation" as the Rams continued to lose (he also said this at Boro yesterday). Optimism + expectation + bad results + worse results. You can now add "+ sleaze"* to the equation as the parallels increase.. 

A recurring theme in Stan Ternent's book is his desire to manage in the Premiership. What's the odds on "it's not in the circumstances I would have wanted...but Paul's given me his blessing...it's only for seven games but if it goes well who knows?". It didn't do Phil Brown any harm at Hull.

*For legal purposes- accusations of misconduct against Gregory were unproven..
 

March 21st (part2)

I've just had a quick read of some recent Rams Trust articles on the Telegraph website (an apt subtitle would be "woe, woe and thrice woe"). One paragraph particularly caught my eye:

 "A major factor [in the takeover] was the club's fan base, which he [Tom Glick] described as “off the hook”. Translating to our English understanding of this phrase, this American marketing jargon might read 'off the peg', or 'ready made.'"

If that was the case I would also add "taken for granted" and be quite annoyed by it.

However, courtesy of several R n' B songs on Radio 1 (and a CSS album track) I know that "off the hook" means something quite different. According to the Urban Dictionary "Cool, awesome, crazy, amazing, hot, fly, wicked, awesome, rad, the shit, badass", all which translates as "rather good old bean!".

We could be in for a rocky ride with the traditionalists.

March 21st

It was only a couple of days ago when looking for something else, that I read Jewell's comments on the Fagan deal. From what I'd heard, the Fagan deal was loan to permanent with a fee agreed for the summer. However, according to Jewell: "He wants to play up-front and there is an opportunity at Hull for him to do that...that doesn't mean Craig Fagan is out of the picture here for next season, it just means he wants to play for Hull at the moment".

Whatever next, Stephen Pearson joins Stenhousemuir on loan because they want him to play in goal and he's up for it?

It seems that Fagan's delusion that he is a centre forward continues despite failing to even outscore mostly absent defender Lewin Nyatanga for two seasons running. Ironically, he will probably be further down the pecking order at Hull than with us as well with Campbell, Folan and Windass all in front. Maybe he'll get a game on the wing?

(Fago's story so far at Hull: Makes his debut whilst Folan is suspended and Windass injured. Fagan himself gets injured in his second game. Hull proceed to win 5-0 and 1-3 in the following matches with Folan and Windass back and firing on all cylinders).

March 19th

A couple of random statistics about attendances:

I had a few digs at Leeds last season about dwindling crowds but gave them some begrudging praise earlier this season for getting 30,000 a few times in League 1. Well, I take it back. Now they've stopped winning, 1 in 3 isn't bothering to turn up anymore and they're back down to circa 20,000 (still impressive as such but not by absent 10,000. Never mind, I'm sure they'll be back for the play-off's, probably moaning about lack of tickets).

Secondly: Wigan played Derby and Arsenal at home within the space of three weeks. The Derby match pulled a bigger crowd. Why? I don't know. Arsenal took at least as many fans as us (as it looked on the TV) so it was purely down to home fans. Perhaps my philosophy of "I pay to see us win, not watch the opposition" is popular up there.

March 18th

The latest immigration scandal...

Last August, talking about Benny Feilhaber at a Work Permit appeal, the USA national coach told the Home Office "Feilhaber was now an automatic selection and one of the best midfielders produced by the USA in recent years". Last week, Feilhaber failed to make the final cut for a USA under 23 pre-Olympic squad. Someone phone the Daily Mail quick!

(I dread to think of the yarn spun to get Claude Davis his stamp during his appeal around the same time).

March 17th

The makeover of all things Derby County continues apace with the introduction of Darude's techno banger "Sandstorm" now accompanying the teams onto the field. At several hundred b.p.m.'s faster than "Steve Bloomer's Watching", it was long overdue and should induce some excitement in the crowd. Many a time we've seen a ref waiting to kick off whilst the funeral march of "Bloomer" reaches its crescendo. At least now if Sandstorm overruns, the ref can have a boogie and blow his whistle in an acid house style-ee. 

I had a couple of texts from Simon on the subject. The first on Saturday afternoon moments after the tune had played at top volume to 33,000 excited souls "..I was loving it. Clapping along like a maniac..."

The second on Monday afternoon from a quiet office near Long Eaton "Playing Darude Sandstorm on Radio one. I'm clapping like a lunatic".

I hope some CCTV footage exists of the latter.

March 15th

If you wanted a clue about about Jewell's plans for the team next season- look no further than the "We Are Derby" season ticket advertising on the official website. It is dominated by Jewell signing's with many regulars passed over for the inclusion of bit part players Villa and Sterjovski (although the latter is now nailed on for right wing without Teale, Fagan and Barnes). Stubbs and Savage also feature with Jay McEveley the sole remnant from the Davies era (it's a fair bet Jay is "part of the plans" as he's featured a lot under Jagger).

To be properly representative of the City in line with the "We Are Derby" slogan (and to avoid looking like an Everton team group from the 80's), there are, quite rightly, a couple of black lads in the picture. Neither is instantly recognisable and they bear the squad numbers 50 and 52. This is not boding well for Moore, Davis, Jonno, Fagan or Earnie. (Although in Jonno and Fagan's case, being loaned out from a wafer thin squad is probably the bigger hint).

March 13th

I wasn't the only one irritated by Ross Fletcher's star-struck commentary of last nights game between Chelsea and some team at the bottom of the league whose name escapes me.

Simon also picked up on Fletcher's discussion with Colin Gibson near the start about parts of Stamford Bridge being in need of renovation, only for it to be transformed into a "wonderful stadium" as the goals rolled in. The same applied to the fans- during the first half there was no atmosphere and the fans were quiet but later on Fletcher gleefully announced "Chelsea fans are loving this!". Is it too much too ask for a Derby commentator to be partial? Surely some "sing when you're winning comments" would have been more apt. I would also have mentioned the Stan The Man fact regarding Chelsea pulling in only 7,000 at The Bridge barely a decade ago. In fact I would have mentioned this a few times building up to a "where were you when you were shit!" crescendo at 5 or 6 nil.

The other point that bugged me, mentioned briefly yesterday but again for emphasis, was as follows: at half time the summary was basically that we had competed well but conceded a soft penalty and gifted them a second moments before half time. About ten minutes into the second half Fletcher said something like "I was saying to someone at half time how you have to see Chelsea in the flesh to realise how good they are etc. etc..." (must have been off air Ross) followed by an unending flow about their class. No mention of "yes, you're all queuing up for the 5th and 6th but where were you on Saturday when the going got tough?" or "Six goals against bottom of the league is big of you but little consolation for getting dumped from two cups in little over a week is it?".

You may have guessed, I'm not especially keen on Chelsea myself.

March 12th

I saw the Hull fan today, apparently Fagan got quite a warm welcome on Saturday and they are generally pleased to see him back.

I'm listening to the Chelsea match on Radio Derby at the moment but I don't know if I'll make it until the end. Not because of the Rams but Ross Fletcher's sudden love affair with Chelsea. Until forty odd minutes, the talk was all about how well Derby were equipping themselves. Only twenty minutes later, Ross is not only purring over (Derby have gone from 0-3 to 0-5 during this paragraph!), well by now purring over everything. We've had him eulogising not only about Chelsea's attack but also Terry, Carvalho and even the Chelsea stadium.

The score's getting worse and I haven't heard Ross this excited since the Play-Off semi...

(Whilst listening to the game, I've updated the Wooden Spoon article- guess what? we're still bottom and tonight's game's not included. Click Here to view).

March 11th

I was talking to the oft quoted Hull fan last Thursday about the Tigers promotion campaign when he jokingly, if not mockingly, asked "I don't suppose you have any striker-cum-right-wingers who are surplus to requirements?". This chap usually tells me who Hull are signing several weeks in advance but had no inkling of this one. He then gave me a quick resume of Fagan's Hull career:

Fagan was signed as a centre forward from Colchester for £125,000. He tended to pull wide a lot and not score so the then Hull manager Peter Taylor decided to play him on the wing. Fagan had a strop, fell out with Taylor and fell out the picture. After Taylor's departure, Fagan reappeared. It was the last year of Fagan's contract, he found a bit of form and scored a few goals (bumped up by penalty taking duties). Opinions amongst Hull fans ranged from "we could get our money back" to "if someone offers £350,000 we'll bite their hand off". When the Rams paid £750,000, there was a collective jaw dropping around the city of Hull (the Hull fan has previously said that we also paid a £250k bonus on gaining promotion. Not mentioned down here but common knowledge there apparently).

I'm seeing the Hull fan at a conference tomorrow. It would be nice to greet him from afar with a loud Craig Fagan chant. The problem is that even after a year at the club- there isn't one. I think that sums up Fagan's Rams career as much as anything.

There were a few emails on the subject at work today. A couple of us picked up on Phil Brown's comment about Fagan having experience in "getting over the finishing line". I pointed out that we were top when he signed and finished third, no thanks to his contribution. A bloke replied "I suppose you could say he was our Tino Asprilla- but without the skill, goals, back-flips and guns".

(In the interests of fairness, Davies did Fagan no favours by repeated playing him on the left wing. No doubt he'll bag a hatful for Hull). 

March 10th

Arriving home from a place with intermittent mobile signal, it was only today that I properly found out about Craig Fagan's departure. There's more to be said on this one but I'll save it for another day as there's too much to do around the house. But I'll leave this thought with you: Craig Fagan is/was the Premier League's worst winger.

I've quoted stats from the Observer for the last couple of weeks and realise it's lazy and possibly bordering on copyright infringement to continue- but just one more...

Craig Fagan crossed the ball 67 times this season with a 6% success rate. To put it another way- he crossed the ball 67 times this season and played a "decent" ball 4 times- the worst ratio in the Premier League. We weren't all mistaken, he was rubbish. I also read that, along with Pearo, he played more games than anyone, so this wasn't a freak statistic based on a couple of games. As I said, more to come on this one.

March 6th

A Hull Fan At Work was telling me today had referee Mike Riley had ruined the Hull v. Burnley match on Tuesday by losing control and sending two players off from each side. The second Burnley player in a Poll-esque farce where he booked him for something innocuous but was then reminded he'd have to send him off. It wasn't sour grapes, Hull won 2-0.

As the conversation continued it made me realise quite how much Riley had contributed to our dire spectacle on Saturday (although the Jackal will remind me that he pointed this out several times during the match). When I checked the paper, it showed that Riley had blown up for an astonishing 40 fouls in what could never be described as a dirty game (evenly spread 21/19) add to this offsides, goal kicks, corners, throw-in's and substitutions and you're talking a lot of breaks in play. With each one taking time, it's little wonder no one had time to score. Obviously with a decent ref we'd have been able to play our free flowing Total Football of choice and won handsomely. If in doubt blame the ref.

I'm off for the weekend, see you next week.

March 5th

We have a scheme at work where if you have a company mobile you can pay £10 a month and use it for personal calls. If you go significantly over- you pay the difference. Fair enough. In January, as you may have read, I had a couple of trips away and the wife was also abroad visiting family. I expected a bigger phone bill and duly received one- I was about £9 over, better than I'd expected.

However, when I looked at the bill, the cost of my international calls, texts and even receiving calls abroad was minimal. "Where's this going?" you may be wondering. Well, on the day I decided to go to the Birmingham match, I must have rung the ticket office at least 10 times (sounds a lot but a few consecutive tries in the morning, the same at lunch and the same in the afternoon). I didn't succeed in speaking to anyone, just heard the same long recorded message about office opening hours, menu options etc. before being told no-one was available. Sometimes I held for a couple of minutes, sometimes not at all. When I looked at my bill, this had cost me over eight quid! So don't stay on hold if you're phoning for tickets. I think it's 25p a minute; criminal for someone in Derby phoning somewhere else in Derby- a stealth tax if ever there was one. The ironic thing was, I subsequently found out that Birmingham tickets were only available in-person from the ground.

March 4th

I see the reserves lost again last night. One thing Jewell and Davies seem to be in agreement over is a policy of not playing senior players. A few have played once or twice but in the main its been a team of kids. There must be some thinking behind this (avoiding injuries probably) but I reckon there's a few "pro's" to outweigh the "cons": the chance for Earnie to get a few semi-competitive goals; Robert to get his match fitness up; or Feilhaber and Villa to get acclimatised. The younger players also benefit from playing alongside experienced pro's.

I think I'm on safe ground to offer an opinion here: both teams are rock bottom; the first team is (and has all season been) full of players low in sharpness and confidence; no young players have earned a call-up despite our ongoing desperation for anyone or anything to improve the side. I can't see anyone turning round and saying "it's working fine".

March 3rd

I wrote last week about how stats can be used to prove one thing or another. This weeks Observer printed a table entitled "Couldn't Hit A Cow's..." showing players with the most shots off target. The top three were Adebayor, Ronaldo and Torres. The Premier League's top scorers are also Ronaldo, Adebayor and Torres. I think a better title would have been "If you don't shoot, you don't score". (The Rams of course have very few shots off target).

Another set of stats showed players with the lowest Tackle Success Rate with our own Dean Leacock featured in the bottom five. Not to worry though, he was joined by Carragher and Jenas whilst the Top 5 feature such hard men as Seb Larsson, Julio Arca and Mikel Arteta. It all begs the question- Does someone actually get paid for compiling all this?

March 2nd

There were quite a few things about yesterdays game that made me realise how low expectations had fallen nowadays. When Sterjovski was subbed I said something like "he was alright" which was immediately contested by the Jackal. When I considered for a moment I thought- he played right wing yet didn't take on or beat his man once, he didn't put any decent crosses in and he hasn't had a shot. I suppose what I had meant is that he hadn't made any catastrophic errors- and that's about all we can ask nowadays. Similarly, when Villa was subbed, quite a few people gave him a standing ovation. The fact is, he'd done absolutely nothing. Sunderland were also dreadful but I think everyone, myself included, was overjoyed just to be getting a point. They even played "Chelsea Dagger" at the final whistle, a song usually reserved for celebrations like lifting the play-off trophy or drawing at home to Bolton.

There was more of the same in this mornings Observer where the Rams fan giving his thoughts on the game gave Kenny Miller a 9/10 making him centre-forward in Team of The Week. Miller wasn't bad but again- surely we should expect more than two speculative efforts against a defence with a worse away record than ours? (The same bloke also awarded Roy Carroll a "4" for keeping an ultra rare Rams clean sheet- this bizarrely made him the 'keeper in the Flops of the Week team.)

February 28th

I'm reading Stan Ternent's book at the moment "Stan the Man". There's that much material in there that I'll probably write a full article for the main zine. However, this anecdote just can't wait:

(Stan's team Bury are losing 1-0 at Bradford and a 20-man brawl has erupted)

"Months of frustration were being exorcised by a good old scrap. From nowhere Paul Jewell, who was assistant manager to Chris Kamara at Bradford, appeared and got stuck in.

No one touches my players. I wasn't having it...I dragged him into the dugout, dug him in the ribs and bashed his head against the roof. Suddenly he didn't want to get stuck in any more".

I'm sure they are best of pals by the last chapter.

February 27th

A few seasons ago when the Rams played Stoke away, Ade Akinbiyi "scored" and ran off to the corner flag to celebrate, closely followed by several amorous Stoke players. However, the linesman had flagged and the goal was disallowed. Derby took a quick free-kick and ran almost unopposed to the other end where Adam Bolder (from memory) put the ball in the Stoke net. The ref then disallowed our "goal" for reasons unclear in the away end. He said afterwards that the free kick was either from the wrong place or didn't properly leave the area- some bullshit. Stoke scored in injury time and we lost 1-0.

(you're probably now thinking "I know all that, what's your point?")

Last weekend in the Real Madrid v. Getafe match, an almost identical situation occurred... but this time the ref didn't bottle it. It was the only goal of the game and Getafe won 1-0.

Here's the clip in Spanish (Good job I told you what it was all about)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9V_eoM0iHE

February 26th

Evidently a quiet day for football news, the Derby Telegraph reported a story from Psychic News (Psycho News might be more accurate reading this one) about a "dog that celebrated promotion" in May last year. The story claims "throughout that season, one or two people had reported an unusual black dog hanging around outside the ground". Before you call Ghostbusters- I've got a black dog and often coupled walkies with a trip to the ticket office (when it was outside). Presumably talking about the celebrations, the story then reads "Some say they saw it...jumping around excitedly and doing somersaults". I think half of Derby was seeing somersaulting dogs by the end of Promotion night!

February 25th

The Observer often throw some random statistics into their results service and this week they had a Premier League "Aerial duels won" list. Remarkably, Steve Howard was sixth, despite not playing in the Premier League for two months and not always being a regular when he did (the count is actual duels won rather than a percentage).

Stats can generally be twisted to prove anything but here's a few things this may tell us:

1) We played an awful lot of long balls when Howard was here.

2) We really should have had someone up front with him at all times as it seems he was doing "his job" quite well.

3) A couple of decent wingers would have made things interesting.

4) It's a shame some of them didn't end up in the net.

(To correct myself on yesterdays entry before some other smart Alec does- the Beta Band track in question is actually called "Smiling", has far more vocals than I remember and is a mere eight and a half minutes long).

February 24th

A unanimous verdict on yesterday's game at Wigan. My brother did The Verdict for the Observer and the paragraph included: "If there was a worse match in all four divisions I'm glad I didn't see it...[I can't] think of a worse Derby display in the last 10 years". The main report included the line "...a sure-fire contender for the worst Premier League game of the season". Paul Jewell called it "...the worst performance I've ever, ever seen from a so-called Premier League team". The victorious Wigan fan in The Verdict summarised "It was awful".

On a lighter note...  

By pure coincidence, following yesterdays entry, I got a text from my brother about half time penalty shoot-outs (he was en route to Wigan via Blackpool so wouldn't have read the entry). It read "half time peno shoot out music is Beta Band! Think its Smile off 1st LP".

The track in question is obscure to say the least; an album track from an album 10 years old. The song itself is a ten minute long near instrumental with a sporadic singing gnome refrain. The record buying public voted with their feet on that one; the commercial splash made was similar to that of Rams shirts emblazoned with "3 Griffin".

So now we have the dream ticket- fat blokes, slippy shoes, singing gnomes. To coin a phrase- what's not to like?

(If this all sounds a bit surreal, remember how many times we've seen penalty shoot outs between two grown men in animal costumes. An unsuspecting away mascot in inflatable It's A Knockout boots against Rammie in his Adidas Predators).

February 23rd

The first signs of American Sports Marketing can now be seen- A family ticket for the Sunderland game includes 2 Adult tickets, 2 Junior tickets, 4 Coca-Cola's and 4 Hot Dogs (and a mini ball for some reason).

No doubt half time entertainment will soon be on the agenda. English football has many quirks, so for the benefit of any new board members here's one of them: although football crowds are mostly male, there is very little interest in watching scantily dressed cheerleaders. What would be far preferable is to get some slightly overweight fans in normal shoes and jeans to take penno's against the Youth team 'keeper (I can even supply you with some contestants if you want). That's a few hundred quid on a focus group saved.

February 21st

It's been a strange few weeks for Celtic midfielder Barry Robson. On the eve of the transfer deadline Dundee Utd. accepted a million pound bid for him from lower division also-rans Nottingham Forest (you may have heard of them, we played them a few years ago). Celtic then matched the offer and Baz not surprisingly decided to join Celtic.

Had he signed for Forest, he would have spent Tuesday travelling up to Carlisle only for the lower division scrap to be postponed for bad weather. As it was, on Wednesday he played and scored in front of 60,000 fans at Celtic Park against Barcelona.

Next week he'll probably be playing in the Nou Camp. Forest's next away match is Orient.

February 19th

Simon suggested that Feilhaber's finest moment at the club could have been the opening of Starbucks. I remember that he was due to open it alongside Lewis but only saw Lewis in the ensuing publicity photographs. Could this have been a strange microcosm of Benny Fill's Rams career? earmarked has having all the skills and attributes to do the job but ultimately just didn't get the call.

(My power supply is knackered on my laptop so there may be a break for a day or two).

February 18th

The other email, as mentioned last entry, referred to the Departure Lounge article with a comment along the lines of "I'll be interested to see what you come up with for Benny Feilhaber's best moment when he inevitably leaves in the summer".

Head's are being scratched as we speak.

February 16th

We had an unprecedented amount of activity in the Ramspace post box last week with two emails in as many days (usually we're lucky to get one a month between us- and you call us lazy bastards!?).

One was about the Premier League's plan to play games abroad and the offer to colonise world football being met with a collective "you're all right thanks mate" from the FA's of the world. There's a lot you could say about the whole fiasco so I won't even start but thought I'd share a story:

It was suggested that Bangalore could be one of the venues, in fairness, by one of the newspapers rather than the FA. I go to Bangalore every year and a couple of years ago went to watch a Test match- India v. Australia. A major sporting fixture by any standards.

The seats in our area were simple white garden chairs with numbers written on them. As people began to arrive and recognise their mates, they simply took their seat with them and swapped chairs, so they stayed in the correct seat number but for example, seat B25 was now situated between P92 and P94. One bright spark decided he would like a bit more leg and elbow room- so took his seat to sit in the middle of the gangway. He was soon joined by many others until going anywhere was an obstacle course. As the sun rose, others went for a walkabout to sit in the shade. In another area of the ground, people in the cheap standing area were slipping a few rupee's through the fence and being passed a chair from the more pricey seating area. Soon the standing and seating area's were reversed. As for the food and drink- that was a man-tangle of epic proportions.

Let's home the Premier League send their finest stewards along- I'd love to see some of those tossers try and sort that out!

February 14th

Can you imagine a team with a worse record than ours? A team without a win all season, a team whose last 4 games include defeats of 0-5, 0-6 and 0-8 conceding an average of 3.4 goals a game. Allow me to introduce...Derby County reserves.

In fairness, we've fielded a team of kids in most games but on Tuesday night against Reading we had a first team squad midfield and attack of Feilhaber, Jones, Teale, Lewis, Earnshaw and Sterjovski- and still got hammered 5-0.

February 13th

I was in a rush yesterday so a few further comments on yesterdays Bob Malcolm story:

• "the Bobster": what a great nickname. I think Earnie should re-invent himself as "the Bobster" next year and forget this season ever happened.
• Being banned from driving and being banned from football are not the same thing (ask Vincent Pericard- although being incarcerated can restrict your appearances).
• I fear for the future of the MLS if Bob Malcolm is the kind of character to "add personality" to the league. Or maybe we are behind the times? (as the other bloke suggested). Are our silly notions of skill and talent just Saxon helmet (i.e. old hat)? 

February 12th

Whilst searching for something on Bob Malcolm, Chris stumbled across an FC Dallas website where people where discussing a rumour that he was joining them. Here's some excerpts:

So, what do we know about the Bobster?
– He’s a center back / holding mid.
– He played 88 times for Rangers before being released.
– He’s probably banned from English football for somewhere between 15-20 months due to his recent drunk driving incident....

Wow.  “Sleepy” Bob Malcolm a member of FC Dallas?  Will he join us at Lochrann’s for a pint?  Wax poetic about the Old Firm games he was a part of?  Maybe he’d even drive us home after the games…

February 11th

In the aftermath of Man U. getting doubled by City at the weekend, Carlos Queiroz had a moan about players being tired from international duty in the week. A few weeks ago United had a rare week with no internationals, no Champions League and no domestic league or Cup. So how did they use these valuable few days? They flew the first team squad to the Middle East and back to play a friendly in the desert climate of Saudi Arabia. (Allegedly paid a million quid- claims of "it's not about the money" were especially thin on this one). I'm sure your players are feeling jaded Carlos.

Ferguson defended the trip by saying "We have gone away before in mid-season and it has worked well for us. We went to Dubai a couple of years ago and we won the FA Cup at the end of that season". If we had won the cup, great, let's go every year. But Man U? Wouldn't it be more accurate to say "We went to Dubai a couple of years ago and didn't win the league"?

February 10th

When announcing the attendance for yesterdays game, the chap on the tannoy added the usual "Derby County would like to thank you for your continued loyal support". So what thanks do we get for continuing to buy tickets despite the absolutely dreadful home form? Prices up by a tenner (30% if you prefer) for our next home game- which is incidentally one of the least attractive of the season. We love you too.

As the Spurs game approached a sell-out, I wonder what the thoughts were amongst the clubs bean-counters: "Great, what wonderful, loyal fans we have" or "shit, we could have charged them more for that one"?

February 9th

(written on the morning of the Tottenham match)

Today's game looks like being a sell-out. A Tottenham fan at work was planning to go and I asked him the other day if he had his ticket yet (at this point there were a couple of hundred left). He said he hadn't as Derby weren't activating any new customer numbers because of the number of Spurs fans trying to register and buy tickets. Whilst listening, I was thinking to myself "at the end of this conversation I'll make a truly kind gesture that will warm the cockles of his heart- I'll offer my customer number". He finished by saying "...we thought 'fair enough', we wouldn't be happy if away fans were buying tickets at White Hart Lane and taking Spurs fans tickets". I thought "good point, well made", nodded and strolled off.

February 6th

From an article about gay athletes in the Observer Sport Monthly:

"False rumours that Graeme Le Saux was gay started in his own dressing room, when his team mates discovered he had spent his holiday with defender Ken Monkou. "All of a sudden everyone was making jokes about "camping with Ken","Le Saux has said. In his autobiography, Left Field, Le Saux describes the abuse. "I got plenty of comments from other players about being a faggot or a queer, Robbie Savage seemed to get a particular thrill out of it"."

I wonder why those Chelsea pranksters (probably Vinny Jones, Dennis Wise et al during that time) chose to target Le Saux rather than giant Centre Back Ken Monkou? A misdirected comment towards Monkou could have saved us a whole decade of Dennis Wise. For those who don't remember Ken Monkou, he's this big:

Meanwhile, the debate rumbles on about the most dangerous chocolate bar with the suggestion that a Snickers Duo could be used as a pair of nunchackers.

February 5th

The latest example of football gone mad: a lad at work told me today how after the rigorous body search of away fans at Birmingham he was told "you can't take that in with you". He had his Kit-Kat confiscated. What damage could you possibly do with a Kit-Kat? To my reckoning, with the traditional 4-finger style, you could just about reach the home fans by using an underarm skimming technique. Even then the only person at risk would be a passing diabetic succumbing to temptation. With the chunky version, I suppose you could punch someone in the face whilst gripping one.

The only chocolate bars you could possibly do any harm with in terms of a) being able to launch it a fair distance and b) coming keen if it hit you on the temple are the king sized Mars or Yorkie- ironically the only two chocolate bars you will see for sale in a football ground! (Birmingham City also offer a selection of hot drinks for pouring on away fans from the upper tier).

February 4th

Apparently Bywater was 2 or 3 weeks away from fitness last week and didn't even make the bench against Man City. This Saturday he played a full game for Ipswich. Presumably not part of our plan then.

February 3rd

(updated with Times link)

With our dire form this season, its often been difficult to find an angle for the Times column or the Observer phone call. When Birmingham took the field to Steps' "Tragedy" I immediately clocked it was a great pun waiting to happen, all it needed now was for the Blues to suffer a tragedy. Click here if you want to read the Times article, feel free to leave a comment on it, pro Derby comments always welcome.

I know some Rams fans weren't keen on Robbie Savage's arrival but I'm sure even the biggest sceptics would enjoy his latest wind up. Apparently before the match, he claimed to have been Birmingham's best player ever. The chap from the Observer told me this but I took it to mean whilst he was there, I replied "well they got relegated when he left so he probably was". I realised he meant ever when the Birmingham fan in the paper  started going on about Trevor Francis.

To add further salt to the wound, how about this from Jewell in the press conference, when asked about Derby's equaliser:

Q: "So what can you tell us about Villa?"

Jewell: "Well, I think they're the top team in Birmingham, aren't they?"

Who'd have thought a scrappy draw against Birmingham would give us so much pleasure?

Journals December January 2008

Journals October to November 2007

Journals August to September 2007

Journals of Derventio 2006/7 Season