Last night was
the Nuts Football Awards in London. There were six Rams fans
there as far as I could see with our table being made up by
a "celebrity" hairdresser and his mate there to present the
"Dodgiest Barnet" award. It wasn't exactly a galaxy of stars
but in attendance were: Steve Claridge, Dave Beasant, Warren
Barton, Chris Kamara, Mark Bright, stacks of models and what
appeared to be a couple of tables of young London
footballers. (Text this morning- "Asked Kammy about Stan
story last night. He said its exactly how it happened" i.e.
Stan Ternent roughing up Jagger at Bradford a few years
ago). Everyone was generally quite friendly and Dave Beasant
didn't even take offence when asked twice in five minutes
about a girl he'd been seeing in Long Eaton.
The nicest bloke
by far was Kevin Day who works on Match of The Day 2. Simon
had met him before when being filmed by MOTD2 at the Fulham game and
the acquaintance was soon renewed. Day was presenting the
Bargain of the Year Award (nominees: Phil Jageilka, Ken
Jones, Elano and winner Roque Santa Cruz) and made comment
of the night by saying how strange it was to be reading a
list of £5m-£6m players as "bargains" when clubs were going
out of business for the sake of a hundred grand. Completely
out of kilter with the frivolous style of the ceremony, the
host was dumbstruck- his autocue hadn't seen that one
coming. The host, by the way, was MTV/ T4 host Dave Berry.
When our moment
came, Simon had been nominated by the producer to collect
the award from an ex-Big Brother contestant, Chanelle. Dave
Berry opened with something about Chanelle wanting to be a
WAG, Chanelle pointed to a table of skeleton thin models
drinking WKD from Champagne bottles and replied "I think
it's that table". Ever the professional, Berry moved swiftly
to Simon and asked something along the lines of "you're the
worst team in Premier League history...etc...now your
getting an award from Chanelle" to which Simon responded
with a quip like "it gets worse, an award from another
loser" (the exact transcript of this exchange is in the
brain cells destroyed by complimentary ice buckets of
Champers, WKD and beer with cocktails on the side). We were
soon off the stage. I'd love to see how this section of the
night is edited.
It was then
backstage for photo's of us, the trophy and Chanelle, with
Simon assuring her he was only joking. By the time we
returned to the main hall, the ceremony was coming to a
close...and then the aftershow. Another hour or so and I had
to head back to the train station, the night rounded off by
a shout of "Up the Rams" from someone as I charged down the
escalator in Rams shirt and blazer.
There's no end of
photo's of the event so I'll try to get some together soon.
May 6th
I hope our summer
spending isn't too reliant on the Fagan deal becoming permanent.
The Hull Fan At Work printed off a few responses to a Fagan
story on a Hull website. The comments included: "..he has
done nothing since he came back"; "...send him back at the
end of the season" and a particularly harsh one "...Fagan is
useless and a liability. If he plays we don't stand a chance
of going up...He was crap first time round. Gotta hand it to
him tho' for taking the money and doing the square root of
fcuk [sic] all".
May 5th
The season just
goes from bad to worse for Robert Earnshaw. First he was
continually left on the bench by both Davies and Jewell;
secondly he was axed from the Wales squad for the first time
in years; and now the final indignity- he failed to make a
shortlist for the Premier League's best somersaults. The
article in the Observer sports mag had a British Olympic
gymnast rating six players includng Lua Lua who hasn't
played in the Premier League since last season and Wigan's
Aghahowa who I can't ever remember scoring, although a photo
of him mid air in a Wigan kit suggests he has. Earnie's
effort against Arsenal was evidently too late.
For the record,
Aghahowa got a perfect "10" for his "half twist into
quintuple back flip". The gymnast was less complimentary
towards Nani of whom he said "It just looks like he chucks
himself. I'm not surprised Alex Ferguson told him to cut it
out" accompanied by a picture of Nani in a pose that
wouldn't look out of place alongside a twin tower.
May 4th
Now it's official
that we're going to get the lowest Premier League points
ever, it occurred to me how many times we've revised (i.e.
lowered) our targets this season. First off, it was the
usual 42 for survival ("41 to go" after the Pompey game),
then it became apparent that mid to upper 30's would be
enough. Soon it was a case of just getting 15, which didn't
seem too tall an order at the time. It's been like a
Duckworth/ Lewis method to account for severe ongoing
crapness rather than adverse weather. The latest one in my
mind was- let's just win two games. For months Reading was
nailed on for a dead end of season game where this could
happen. Now what happens? After yesterdays sequence of
results, Reading suddenly have to beat us. New
target- concede less than a hundred goals this season. If we
concede less than 15 it's party time!
May 2nd
We got offered a
table of eight for the Nuts awards but only four of us can
make it. I've heard the marketing women's been on the
forum's and she tells me she's been inundated. If you fancy
it, details have been posted on SSA but I think it's a
lottery now.
May 1st
The Nuts episode
is seemingly not over with a potential Ramspace invite to
the WKD Nuts Football awards in London next week. Watch this
space. All I can say is that whoever did the acting on
Monday must have put in a truly storming performance. When I
found out the Rams had won Supporters of the Year, I let the
Derby Telegraph know. I thought: an award from a national
publication; a good news story; a Derby County story; and a
good news Derby County story- a rarity this season. Also apt
because the Telegraph have been running daily Supporter of
the Year profiles along the lines of "Ethel from Allenton
has had a season ticket since the 60's". I didn't even get
the courtesy of a reply. Meanwhile, Mondays paper ran a big
picture story of a women who found a bird nest in her house
and also reported the theft of a rabbit and cage.
April 30th
Last week I wrote
a bit about the absence of young players this season and the
Player of the Year awards really brought this home. The
winner of Young Player of the Year was Lewis Price, who at
23 must have been pushing the upper age limit. The award
also said a lot about Dean Leacock's season. For some
people, Leacock was a contender for the Player of the Year
proper last season and he was expected to take the Premier
League in his stride. Now he's demoted to the "Young"
shortlist and losing out to a player who was signed as back
up and played only because of injuries.
April 29th
Never let it be
said that Ramspace are snobbish because we do a turn for The
Observer and Times on occasions. Yesterday, we gathered
together a few lads for Nuts magazine. The gist of what Nuts
wanted to do is covered by the previous entry- in practice
it was somewhere between Carry on Camping and Blur's Country
House video. The theme of "tea and sympathy" was that the
girls gave the lads a cup of tea then asked about the
season. On receiving his cup of tea, one of us quipped
"that's the only cup we'll be getting this season" to much
laughter. It was a brief insight into the process to see
that this needed three takes- by which time we could have
also done with some canned laughter.
After the
interviews we had to display some acting worthy of a BAFTA.
One of us left the van (on the count of three) to be waved
off by the girls. The same girl then called "who's next?" to
the chap waiting outside the van. Queuing up for "tea and
sympathy" was the theme but innuendo was thinly veiled. One
of the girls' sound check of "who's next for sloppy's?" said
it all.
All in all, a
good laugh and strange insight into the media world. From
what I can gather, the models are highly regarded in their
field yet were basically a couple of girls doing a days
work. We were surprised when one of them told us she'd had
driven up in a far from glamorous car "lifestyles of the
rich and shameless eh?", luckily she either didn't hear or
didn't get it.
Hopefully some
photo's will appear somewhere on the site in the near
future.
April 27th
Ramspace have had
the following request:
"You may not be aware of this but Derby County have won
something this year - the Nuts Football Awards for the best
fans of the season.
We are producing the television show of the awards for MTV
and we're planning to come up to Pride Park for the home
game against Arsenal to interview some fans. We'll also be
bringing a couple of the Nuts girls along to present
the award and provide a good photo opportunity so we need
some diehard derby fans to take part and i thought you might
be the best place to start."
Chris gave them a
ring and this was the outcome:
Lads,
I have spoken to the producer and the format of this is
basically they are going to get some form of trailer
delivered to PP around 3-pm. Basically he wants the two
girls to be in the truck and they will give (the depressed)
Derby fans a cup of tea, a biscuit and talk about the
season.
The interviews will be 1 by 1 and I guess they'll edit the
best bits together. He is very keen to get a shot of lads
queuing up for the trailer. Ideally he wants 8 or 10 but
doesn't want to send the girls out to get lads unless they
have to. they also want someone to present the trophy to. he
said he was looking to do the interviews between 18.00 and
18.30.
I am apparently going to get a contact phone number before
Monday.
If you want to google the two girls, I am reasonably sure
the names he mentioned were Kayleigh Pearson and Lindsay
Strutt.
A few of us can make this but we could do with a few more
volunteers. If anyone is going to the match, can be there
for 18:00-18:30 and fancies it, drop me an email on
s_spaceram@post.combefore
about 2pm.
I'll
find out more tomorrow about where they will be etc. and let
you know. In the unlikely event that I'm inundated, you're
welcome to come for the "queuing shots" later on!
April 26th
A preview of the
Arsenal game written for The Observer:
With
only three games remaining this season, it looks
increasingly likely that
Derby
will go down in history as, statistically, the worst Premier
League team ever. To use the old cliché- the League table
doesn’t lie and with one win all season, it’s very difficult
to present an argument to the contrary.
A good
argument would be to say “well, we did beat Arsenal”.
Arsenal’s season seems to have run aground so some end of
season silliness is always a possibility. We haven’t fared
badly against the Big Four at home this season, so hopefully
it will be a good night on the Rams Farewell Tour.
Due a
Big Game:
Kenny
Miller- Supposedly our top striker but hasn’t scored this
year in the league.
April 24th
The big news
today was Journals hero Stan Ternent leaving us to take over
at Huddersfield. I had to smile at Pearson graciously saying
"We have not sought compensation from Huddersfield". I
wonder what the going rate is for a 62 year old assistant
implicated in one of the biggest footballing debacles ever
known? Jewell was obviously gutted "We already have a new
assistant lined up and ready to start work tomorrow". I bet
Jagger had Stan's cones and bibs boxed up before you could
say "Chris Hutching's in reception for you Paul".
Good luck to Stan
though, I hope to see him back at Pride Park one day, facing
up the crowd on the edge of the away technical area.
April 23rd
Following
yesterdays piece, I had a quick look at The Complete Record
and saw that we used 10 home grown players during the 2005/6
season. In addition to those mentioned, Pablo Mills, Marcus
Tudgay, Lee Grant, Nathan Doyle and Lionel Ainsworth also
appeared. Add to that Jacko, Bolder and Boets who were all
signed as kids for nominal fee's and you have thirteen
players for the price of Gary Teale. Considering some of the
rubbish and mediocrity that has been through the revolving
doors in the last couple of years (and under Phil Brown) it
begs a few questions such as: has our young talent dried up
in the last couple of years?; Have our scouting networks
done anything?; How much cash would we have saved if we'd
have just shouted down the corridor instead of signing Thome,
Thirwell, Fadiga, Currie, Macken, Ryan Smith...the list goes
on.
April 22nd
Simon's plea to get Pesch on
the coaching staff a couple of days ago (Journals April
18th) made me realise that in his brief and often forgotten
spell assisting Terry Westley, Pesch was one of our better
no. 2's in recent years. Compared to Ned Kelly, Holdsworth
and any post-McClaren Smith assistant (Trewick, Crosby),
there's not much competition. (I'll reserve judgement on
Stan).
With new Academy Director Phil
Cannon on the back page of tonight's Telegraph, it's worth
looking at a game during the Westley era. When we drew
against
Hull at home we had 5 home grown players on duty: Camp,
Holmes, Barnes, Nyatanga, and Addison making his debut.
According to my calculations, Miles Addison was the last
home grown Rams league debutant- almost two years and two
weeks to the day.
April 21st
The way The
Verdict works in The Observer is: someone from the paper
gives you a ring after the match about half six and you chat
for ten minutes or so. The aspiring journalist then pieces
together a paragraph about the match based on your
conversation. I say aspiring as I presume someone working on
a Saturday night to ring up the likes of us isn't quite
ready for a Pulitzer prize. You never quite know which
fragments of your conversation will be pounced upon.
On Saturday, by
the time our man received the call he enjoyed a good day in
the capital and had a few drinks along the way. Imagine his
surprise on Sunday morning when the Observer results section
contained a big picture of Alan Stubbs with the tag line
"Player of the day: 'Stubbs had a blinding game- a West Ham
friend reckons he's the fattest in the Premier League, but
he held us together".
April 18th
Text received
last night from Simon:
"Pesh video a
cracker. Got to put it on the site to cheer everyone up. Get
him on the coaching staff. Let's get the bandwagon rolling
now"
Here's the video
in question, hope it cheers your weekend:
Thanks to whoever
complied it and put it on YouTube
(let me know if
it's not working)
April 17th
A woman at work,
who has no interest or knowledge of football, told me
yesterday how she had crossed the path of "a Derby County
player" on an internet dating site. They'd looked at each
others profiles but the romance ran aground when she asked
something like "should I have heard of you?" It would be
unfair of me to speculate on the identity of the player given her
vague description. For all I know, it could have been
an old picture of Tommy Johnson or Pembridge.
April 16th
Latest Fagan
news...
Last month Fago
left his Premier League berth on the right wing to join Hull
on loan. "He wants to play up-front and there is an
opportunity at Hull for him to do that" according to Jewell.
Craig starts a couple of games up front and gets injured.
When fit again, he finds himself on the bench behind
Campbell, Windass and Folan. Last night, Craig returned to
the first team and guess what? The man with a goal scoring
record that makes Kenny Miller look like Dixie Dean is back
on the right wing.
That reminds me,
I must buy him a card. It's the first anniversary of his
last league goal. (Leicester away last year, which I think
was around this time).
April 15th
It looks like
someone at the Daily Mirror has got their hands on a copy of
Stan The Man (either that or they've been reading Ramspace).
In a paragraph entitled "County taking Tern for worse" it
begins by saying "The Premier League table suggests that
Stan Ternent's stint as Derby assistant boss cannot be rated
a complete success" before giving a couple of choice quotes
from his book and suggesting Adam Pearson should have read
it. (Can anything associated with Derby County
this season be described as a complete success? In a list of
people to blame for the debacle, Stan would probably sit
about 37th, between the ex-DVD analyst and Benny Feilhaber).
One of the quotes
is about Stan's GBH on Jagger during their respective
Burnley and Bradford days. Of course, this was brought to
you in full weeks ago. For new readers, or those wishing to
relive the moment, scroll down to February 28th.
April 13th
(This would have
been posted earlier but the Website server was playing up-
April 14th)
Around half past
two yesterday afternoon, we were sat in the pub surrounded
by empty bottles of Fruuli and generally having a good time.
I mentioned calling a taxi a couple of times but we had yet
to do so. The Jackal then suggested that we forget about the
game altogether with the reasoning "the tickets are paid
for" (i.e. it wouldn't cost us any more not to go).
Almost every matchday has run a similar course this season;
great pre-match banter and general chat, abruptly ended by
going to the stadium. The afternoon generally goes downhill
from there. I was the first to cave in though and Boab duly
made the phone call for a taxi.
In Stan Ternent's book he says
that in times of adversity, he doesn't hide in the dug out
but makes himself as visible as possible to take any flak
from the crowd and deflect some from the players. Having
recently read the book on a fast plane to China, the Jack
commented that he thought Stan would be out at 0-3. Within
seconds Stan was stood, arms folded at the edge of the
technical area. Our little chuckle was probably the
highlight of the first half (me not being the type to clap
the opposition for moments of quality).
At half time I
recalled the Jackals earlier logic- its not going to cost
me anything to leave the stadium now. Considering the likely
outcome of the second half, I reasoned that in the best case
we might score a consolation and end up losing 1-3. In the
worst case Villa might go on to win by four or five. I had
little interest in either scenario. So after over two
decades of watching the Rams, I left early. Not with ten
minutes to go but at half time with hundreds more. It wasn't
anger or protest, simply that our afternoon out would be
better spent as it had been earlier, sat in the boozer and
having a laugh- now with the added bonus of Sky Sports News.
(An extended
remix of this will appear on the Times Fanzone and the main
site)
April 10th
The comment about
Nyatanga and Macken last week got a mention on the
SSA forum.
I'd like nothing more than to see Nyatanga succeed and be a
home grown part of the Rams future but...
Playing for Wales
has undoubtedly increased Nyatanga's stock over the years,
especially when he was 17 and playing alongside a defence of
Gabbidon, Delaney and Bale whilst rubbing shoulders with
Giggs, Bellamy and Davies in the dressing room. I saw the
team for the last Wales international though and his
defensive cronies were from Oldham, Hull, Stockport and
Peterborough. I couldn't help wondering how good you had to
be?
Even so, he's
been Wales regular for a couple of years and playing a full
season in the Championship is good going for any 19 year
old. I vote to bring him back on board...then lend him to FC
Utrecht.
April 9th
Derby's proposed
link up with Dutch side FC Utrecht is an interesting story.
An optimist might think "this really shows some ambition and
provides some substance to the more abstract notion of
international links. If it's alright for Man U then its
alright for us". It might also provide a tenuous reason for
a Ramspace trip to the low countries. However, a more
cynical person might be thinking "which player in particular
from our bottom-of-the-league-with-no-wins-all-season
reserve team would you like to borrow for your forthcoming
fixtures against Ajax, PSV and Feyenoord? In fact, is there
anyone you could lend us?"
My view is that
if we're in a position when our reserves are good enough for
the Dutch First Division then we're doing alright. Better
than this season at any rate.
April 7th
You may have
missed the footnote "Malcolm Sent Off" to Motherwell's 1-0
win at Celtic on Saturday. Here's a clip of the incident:
Bob Malcolm Sending Off
I'm on duty again
for the Times column this week as the other Spaceram
recuperates from his Giles Barnes operation: here's the
link:
Times Column
April 6th
When I'm fast
asleep tonight, I expect to hear a booming voice in my mind
saying "Sorry my child, I didn't realise Eddie Lewis was
playing left back". You have to speculate to accumulate and
for three quid, not only could I have won £400+ but could
also have sold a couple of interviews to The Star or The
Sport on the back of the divine intervention and then bagged
a couple of reality TV slots. As it is, I'll have to keep my
day job for a while.
You may also be
questioning the Earnshaw bet but as any seasoned gambler
knows, I'll get my money back on that one as he wasn't on
the pitch when the goal went in. 16/1 is always worth a punt
for a centre forward, especially one who is overdue a goal
to such an extent that medical experts are currently trying
to induce one.
April 4th
The odds on Eddie
Lewis being first goal scorer and Derby winning 1-0 at
Everton are 344/1. I've had a quid on that, £2 on Lewis to
be first scorer at 40/1 and a quid on Earnie at 16/1. I've
also had a pessimistic quid on the draw at 4/1 just in case
the game doesn't go as I anticipate.
I mentioned my
premonition at work a couple of times today. Funnily enough
both people asked me if I caught the goal time. I used the
same gag on both occasions "I'll go for a kip and let you
know in half an hour" as I walked off smiling, they were no
doubt shaking their head thinking "David Icke".
(See yesterdays
if this sounds even more bonkers than it is already)
April 3rd
I was asked to
write a 110 word preview of the Everton game for the
Observer with another dozen on who is "due a big game".
Here's what I sent:
On F.A. Cup weekend, it’s worth noting
that Oldham have won at Goodison Park this season and
Barnsley have beaten both Liverpool and Chelsea. After over
30 league games, Derby still haven’t managed to shock anyone
with most results going to form. Given our form, that’s not
a good thing. Could this be our chance against an out of
sorts and injury hit Everton? The Rams “officially” have
nothing to lose now so will hopefully play without the fear
that has paralysed us away from home on so many occasions.
We still want points and goals and will be going for both.
Due a big game:
Robbie Savage- He could be in for a very
busy afternoon given Everton’s formation.
I wrote the
piece shortly before going to bed last night and experienced
a strangely lucid dream. We were playing Everton and I felt
ashamed because I'd nominated Savage yet our midfield was:
Lewis; Ghaly; Jones...and Malcolm! We won the game 1-0
thanks to an Eddie Lewis goal (he whacked in a rebound from
a Kenny Miller shot- the dream was that detailed), as I
walked home, I saw the Jackal surrounded by women in a Bingo
Hall. What could it all mean? I'm trying to work out which
bits of it were surrealist fantasy and which bits weren't. So far I've only
discounted Bob Malcolm ever playing for the Rams again. I
think it all means- have a bet on Derby to win 1-0 and Lewis
to be first
goal scorer...I'm off to check the odds.
April 2nd
It's truly
amazing that Barnsley have managed to beat Liverpool and
Chelsea this season, both fielded strong sides and the
Liverpool victory was even at Anfield. Compare this to
Barnsley's league form where they get turned over most weeks
and are only outside the relegation zone on goal difference.
The one notable difference between the league and cup teams
is two players who are both cup tied but tend to be
automatic choices in the league: Lewin Nyatanga and Jon
Macken. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.
March 31st
Following on from
Chris' Times article last week that compared Derby's season
to soccer soap Dream Team, did you see that some crank is
trying to buy Mansfield Town and change the name to
Harchester United? The rationale being that Harchester have
20,000 fans registered on the Dream Team website so its a
sound basis to make some money. The Exeter fan in the
Fanzone has written a bit of Sports Journalism on it, if you
want the whole story,
click here.
March 30th
(link to Times
article now added)
I was just
thinking the other day what a great player Tito Villa is-
shame on the Jackal for making snide remarks about him.
Seriously though, it shows what a crazy season this is.
Before this weekend, Villa had done very little to impress
bar his goal at St Andrews (I had to give marks out of 10
for the Observer that day. I'd decided on 3 for Villa as
he'd done nothing. I think I gave him 7 or 8 in the end).
Now he's joint top scorer and let's face it, a couple of
goals in April will probably win him Player of the Year
(including my vote, in spirit at least). If only we'd have
swapped our tickets for him (see March 27th), we could have
sold him to Fiorentina for £5m and retired.
On the subject of
tickets, we had another massive crowd yesterday. I thought
yesterday: you have to commend the marketing team, as I sat
there in my free seat surrounded by everyone else who uses
the same sports centre.
One of the new
writers on the Times Fanzone is a self proclaimed "freelance
sports journalist currently in my 3rd year at Cardiff
University studying journalism" (i.e. a student) who really
shows some passion for his articles. His latest one starts
by discussing the Rams player turnover. According to his
calculations "of their [that's our] 16-man squad the average
time since each player signed is an incredibly low 8.8
months, that’s 35 and a half weeks". There's a fact for you
to quote before tomorrows match.
Whoever said students had too
much time on their hands?
(Before all student readers
desert me en masse- I've been there).
March 27th
The Jackal has
just laid his hands on a couple of freebies for the Fulham
game. I was planning to get a refund for the one's we
already had but he advised "...or swap them for Villa...just
make sure they don't give you Tito!"
March 26th
Spare a thought
for poor Gretna. Their recent financial woes have been well
publicised- unpaid players, calling in the Administrators
and uncertainty whether the club will even finish the
season. After a few harsh weeks, a lot was riding on a
bumper crowd against Celtic to ensure survival for another
few weeks. However, after problems with the Fir Park pitch
(Gretna's temporary home just outside Glasgow), the game was
switched to Livingston's ground with no cash sales on the
day. As a result just 3,651 attended, surely one of the
lowest crowds ever for a match involving Celtic.
Baffled by
footballs inflexible bureaucracy, the Gretna manager
lamented: "I
don't know if I'm just a silly old sod but where is the
common sense? If there is a pay-gate on the day, what are
they expecting, the Khmer Rouge with Kalashnikovs or
football supporters?" A very good point. You can't be too
liberal though, next thing you know you'll have people
trying to smuggle Kit-Kat's in.
(If this is lost on you- a lad a work had a Kit-Kat
confiscated after a rigorous body search at Birmingham away
as documented in the Journals early Feb)
March 25th
After Sundays
excitement, the Jewell story now seems to be yesterday's
chip papers, with a few words in the news section of the
Derby Telegraph stating that the video wouldn't affect
Jewell's position at the club, according to Pearson. Never
one to court controversy, Steve Nicholson uses his column to
criticise the behaviour and conduct of Chelsea players,
worrying about the bad example being set to kids. Best not
to mention Shaggers antic's.
No crimes have
been committed though and it didn't do Sven any harm. So now
on to the weekend's other scandal- the performance at
Middlesbrough. The first half was one of the worst I've ever
seen. Many of the after match quotes spoke of a much
improved second half. Yes, with an arctic wind behind us we
had more of the ball and Ghaly looked quality but even with
three strikers on the field, Schwarzer didn't have one save
to make.
A word on
Middlesbrough: it's fair to say they haven't got the
greatest image. Hated by some, disliked by others and worst
of all, their local "rivals" are completely indifferent to
them. My opinion of them recently rose after reading in the
fact rich Stan The Man, that Boro had the highest crowds in
the country per head of population (this would have been
around 2002). To be fair, the place isn't even a City and
has a significantly smaller population than Derby so some of
the stick they endure about empty seats is a bit harsh.
We spoke to some
Boro fans before the match in the drinker and the chippy;
they knew exactly the situation they were in. For saying
Boro are one of the few English teams to get anywhere in
Europe recently, there was no inflated expectation. One
bloke told me he'd be quite happy being sixth in the
Championship and winning most weeks rather than scratting
around in the Prem. I don't know whether he was trying to
make me feel better about next season but he certainly
succeeded!
March 24th
The Daily Star
picked up the baton today with the headline "Prem Boss Stars
in Net Porn". I didn't buy it but from I could gather it was
a non-story speculating about the possibility of Jewell's
video ending up on the net. It suggests that "portly Paul"
could be the Premier League's Paris Hilton by suggesting "the
footage could turn him into an unlikely internet sex
star like heiress Paris, 27."
Really? Could Jewell be
releasing sub-standard pop singles in a couple of years? I
can't imagine Jewell holding quite the same attraction
myself but The Star assures us "...there is a massive market
in freaky tapes...". Ouch!
Being an outsider to the
mysterious world of football, I just can't imagine how
players react to this kind of thing. Will Jewell's
credibility and authority be undermined by the whole thing?
Or will he be greeted with shouts of "Hurrraahhh!!! Get in
there Gaffer!" followed by High Five's and Big Ten's up and
down Moor Farm?
(I fully expect the Journals to
rocket up the search engines with the mention of "porn",
"sex" and "Paris Hilton" in the space of a couple of
paragraphs.)
March 23rd
(updated in the evening)
If you haven't
seen the Paul Jewell story yet, click on the link below, it
contains some of the best puns ever:
At the time of writing, I don't
know what the outcome of this one will be. I can't imagine
GSE will be impressed in the slightest given their family
oriented marketing approach (family ticket offers, family
Easter egg hunts at Pride Park, Glick's regular mention of
his family including the puppies). I've got no anti-Jewell
sentiments at all but given a moments consideration, what
could you say in his favour? Most people would say "he seems
a decent, honest bloke" but that doesn't seem the best
description all of a sudden.
There are echo's of the Bob
Malcolm situation as well. It's a non-footballing matter and
if it was [insert name of good or valuable player here. I
can't think of one] it would probably be brushed under
the carpet. However, if some of the unknown owners are
getting twitchy about Jewell's winless streak- now could be
the ideal opportunity. I don't think there'd be many fans
wielding placards either- yes, Jewell had an impossible
task, and yes, we've had a stack of injuries but judging on
results only- could it have been any worse?
Several weeks ago (or was it
months?) Simon prophetically said "this could be
another Gregory situation" as the Rams continued to lose (he
also said this at Boro yesterday). Optimism + expectation +
bad results + worse results. You can now add "+ sleaze"* to
the equation as the parallels increase..
A recurring theme in Stan
Ternent's book is his desire to manage in the Premiership.
What's the odds on "it's not in the circumstances I would
have wanted...but Paul's given me his blessing...it's only
for seven games but if it goes well who knows?". It didn't
do Phil Brown any harm at Hull.
*For legal purposes-
accusations of misconduct against Gregory were unproven..
March 21st
(part2)
I've just had a
quick read of some recent Rams Trust articles on the
Telegraph website (an apt subtitle would be "woe, woe and
thrice woe"). One paragraph particularly caught my eye:
"A
major factor [in the takeover] was the club's fan base,
which he [Tom Glick] described as “off the hook”.
Translating to our English understanding of this phrase,
this American marketing jargon might read 'off the peg', or
'ready made.'"
If that was the
case I would also add "taken for granted" and be quite
annoyed by it.
However,
courtesy of several R n' B songs on Radio 1 (and a CSS album
track) I know that "off the hook" means something quite
different. According to the Urban Dictionary "Cool, awesome,
crazy, amazing, hot, fly, wicked, awesome, rad, the shit,
badass", all which translates as "rather good old bean!".
We could be
in for a rocky ride with the traditionalists.
March 21st
It was only a
couple of days ago when looking for something else, that I
read Jewell's comments on the Fagan deal. From what I'd
heard, the Fagan deal was loan to permanent with a fee
agreed for the summer. However, according to Jewell: "He
wants to play up-front and there is an opportunity at Hull
for him to do that...that doesn't mean Craig Fagan is out of
the picture here for next season, it just means he wants to
play for Hull at the moment".
Whatever next,
Stephen Pearson joins Stenhousemuir on loan because they
want him to play in goal and he's up for it?
It seems that Fagan's delusion that he is a centre forward
continues despite failing to even outscore mostly absent
defender Lewin Nyatanga for two seasons running. Ironically,
he will probably be further down the pecking order at Hull
than with us as well with Campbell, Folan and Windass all in
front. Maybe he'll get a game on the wing?
(Fago's story so
far at Hull: Makes his debut whilst Folan is suspended and
Windass injured. Fagan himself gets injured in his second
game. Hull proceed to win 5-0 and 1-3 in the following
matches with Folan and Windass back and firing on all
cylinders).
March 19th
A couple of
random statistics about attendances:
I had a few digs
at Leeds last season about dwindling crowds but gave them
some begrudging praise earlier this season for getting
30,000 a few times in League 1. Well, I take it back. Now
they've stopped winning, 1 in 3 isn't bothering to turn up
anymore and they're back down to circa 20,000 (still
impressive as such but not by absent 10,000. Never mind, I'm
sure they'll be back for the play-off's, probably moaning
about lack of tickets).
Secondly: Wigan
played Derby and Arsenal at home within the space of three
weeks. The Derby match pulled a bigger crowd. Why? I don't
know. Arsenal took at least as many fans as us (as it looked
on the TV) so it was purely down to home fans. Perhaps my
philosophy of "I pay to see us win, not watch the
opposition" is popular up there.
March 18th
The latest
immigration scandal...
Last August,
talking about Benny Feilhaber at a Work Permit appeal, the USA national coach told
the Home Office
"Feilhaber was
now an automatic selection and one of the best midfielders
produced by the USA in recent years". Last week, Feilhaber
failed to make the final cut for a USA under 23 pre-Olympic
squad. Someone phone the Daily Mail quick!
(I dread to think of the yarn spun
to get Claude Davis his stamp during his appeal around the
same time).
March 17th
The makeover of
all things Derby County continues apace with the
introduction of Darude's techno banger "Sandstorm" now
accompanying the teams onto the field. At several hundred
b.p.m.'s faster than "Steve Bloomer's Watching", it was long
overdue and should induce some excitement in the crowd. Many
a time we've seen a ref waiting to kick off whilst the
funeral march of "Bloomer" reaches its crescendo. At least
now if Sandstorm overruns, the ref can have a boogie and
blow his whistle in an acid house style-ee.
I had a couple of
texts from Simon on the subject. The first on Saturday
afternoon moments after the tune had played at top volume to
33,000 excited souls "..I was loving it. Clapping along like
a maniac..."
The second on
Monday afternoon from a quiet office near Long Eaton
"Playing Darude Sandstorm on Radio one. I'm clapping like a
lunatic".
I hope some CCTV
footage exists of the latter.
March 15th
If you wanted a
clue about about Jewell's plans for the team next season-
look no further than the "We Are Derby" season ticket
advertising on the official website. It is dominated by
Jewell signing's with many regulars passed over for the
inclusion of bit part players Villa and Sterjovski (although
the latter is now nailed on for right wing without Teale,
Fagan and Barnes). Stubbs and Savage also feature with Jay
McEveley the sole remnant from the Davies era (it's a fair
bet Jay is "part of the plans" as he's featured a lot under
Jagger).
To be properly
representative of the City in line with the "We Are Derby"
slogan (and to avoid looking like an Everton team group from
the 80's), there are, quite rightly, a couple of black lads
in the picture. Neither is instantly recognisable and they
bear the squad numbers 50 and 52. This is not boding well
for Moore, Davis, Jonno, Fagan or Earnie. (Although in Jonno
and Fagan's case, being loaned out from a wafer thin squad
is probably the bigger hint).
March 13th
I wasn't the only
one irritated by Ross Fletcher's star-struck commentary of
last nights game between Chelsea and some team at the bottom
of the league whose name escapes me.
Simon also picked
up on Fletcher's discussion with Colin Gibson near the start
about parts of Stamford Bridge being in need of renovation,
only for it to be transformed into a "wonderful stadium" as
the goals rolled in. The same applied to the fans- during
the first half there was no atmosphere and the fans were
quiet but later on Fletcher gleefully announced "Chelsea
fans are loving this!". Is it too much too ask for a Derby
commentator to be partial? Surely some "sing when you're
winning comments" would have been more apt. I would also
have mentioned the
Stan The Man fact regarding
Chelsea pulling in only 7,000 at The Bridge barely a decade
ago. In fact I would have mentioned this a few times
building up to a "where were you when you were shit!"
crescendo at 5 or 6 nil.
The other point
that bugged me, mentioned briefly yesterday but again for
emphasis, was as follows: at half time the summary was
basically that we had competed well but conceded a soft
penalty and gifted them a second moments before half time.
About ten minutes into the second half Fletcher said
something like "I was saying to someone at half time how you
have to see Chelsea in the flesh to realise how good they
are etc. etc..." (must have been off air Ross) followed by
an unending flow about their class. No mention of "yes,
you're all queuing up for the 5th and 6th but where were you
on Saturday when the going got tough?" or "Six goals against
bottom of the league is big of you but little consolation
for getting dumped from two cups in little over a week is
it?".
You may have
guessed, I'm not especially keen on Chelsea myself.
March 12th
I saw the Hull fan today,
apparently Fagan got quite a warm welcome on Saturday and
they are generally pleased to see him back.
I'm listening to the Chelsea
match on Radio Derby at the moment but I don't know if I'll
make it until the end. Not because of the Rams but Ross
Fletcher's sudden love affair with Chelsea. Until forty odd
minutes, the talk was all about how well Derby were
equipping themselves. Only twenty minutes later, Ross is not
only purring over (Derby have gone from 0-3 to 0-5 during
this paragraph!), well by now purring over everything. We've
had him eulogising not only about Chelsea's attack but also
Terry, Carvalho and even the Chelsea stadium.
The score's getting worse and I
haven't heard Ross this excited since the Play-Off semi...
(Whilst listening to the game,
I've updated the Wooden Spoon article- guess what? we're
still bottom and tonight's game's not included.
Click
Here to view).
March 11th
I was talking to
the oft quoted Hull fan last Thursday about the Tigers
promotion campaign when he jokingly, if not mockingly, asked
"I don't suppose you have any striker-cum-right-wingers who
are surplus to requirements?". This chap usually tells me
who Hull are signing several weeks in advance but had no
inkling of this one. He then gave me a quick resume of
Fagan's Hull career:
Fagan was signed
as a centre forward from Colchester for £125,000. He tended
to pull wide a lot and not score so the then Hull manager
Peter Taylor decided to play him on the wing. Fagan had a
strop, fell out with Taylor and fell out the picture. After
Taylor's departure, Fagan reappeared. It was the last year
of Fagan's contract, he found a bit of form and scored a few
goals (bumped up by penalty taking duties). Opinions amongst
Hull fans ranged from "we could get our money back" to "if
someone offers £350,000 we'll bite their hand off". When the
Rams paid £750,000, there was a collective jaw dropping
around the city of Hull (the Hull fan has previously said
that we also paid a £250k bonus on gaining promotion. Not
mentioned down here but common knowledge there apparently).
I'm seeing the
Hull fan at a conference tomorrow. It would be nice to greet
him from afar with a loud Craig Fagan chant. The problem is
that even after a year at the club- there isn't one. I think
that sums up Fagan's Rams career as much as anything.
There were a few
emails on the subject at work today. A couple of us picked
up on Phil Brown's comment about Fagan having experience in
"getting over the finishing line". I pointed out that we
were top when he signed and finished third, no thanks to his
contribution. A bloke replied "I suppose you could say he
was our Tino Asprilla- but without the skill, goals,
back-flips and guns".
(In the interests
of fairness, Davies did Fagan no favours by repeated playing
him on the left wing. No doubt he'll bag a hatful for Hull).
March 10th
Arriving home
from a place with intermittent mobile signal, it was only
today that I properly found out about Craig Fagan's
departure. There's more to be said on this one but I'll save
it for another day as there's too much to do around the
house. But I'll leave this thought with you: Craig Fagan
is/was the Premier League's worst winger.
I've quoted stats
from the Observer for the last couple of weeks and realise
it's lazy and possibly bordering on copyright infringement
to continue- but just one more...
Craig Fagan
crossed the ball 67 times this season with a 6% success
rate. To put it another way- he crossed the ball 67 times
this season and played a "decent" ball 4 times- the worst
ratio in the Premier League. We weren't all mistaken, he was
rubbish. I also read that, along with Pearo, he played more
games than anyone, so this wasn't a freak statistic based on
a couple of games. As I said, more to come on this one.
March 6th
A Hull Fan At
Work was telling me today had referee Mike Riley had ruined
the Hull v. Burnley match on Tuesday by losing control and
sending two players off from each side. The second Burnley
player in a Poll-esque farce where he booked him for
something innocuous but was then reminded he'd have to send
him off. It wasn't sour grapes, Hull won 2-0.
As the
conversation continued it made me realise quite how much
Riley had contributed to our dire spectacle on Saturday
(although the Jackal will remind me that he pointed this out
several times during the match). When I checked the paper,
it showed that Riley had blown up for an astonishing 40
fouls in what could never be described as a dirty game
(evenly spread 21/19) add to this offsides, goal kicks,
corners, throw-in's and substitutions and you're talking a
lot of breaks in play. With each one taking time, it's
little wonder no one had time to score. Obviously with a
decent ref we'd have been able to play our free flowing
Total Football of choice and won handsomely. If in doubt
blame the ref.
I'm off for the
weekend, see you next week.
March 5th
We have a scheme
at work where if you have a company mobile you can pay £10 a
month and use it for personal calls. If you go significantly
over- you pay the difference. Fair enough. In January, as
you may have read, I had a couple of trips away and the wife
was also abroad visiting family. I expected a bigger phone
bill and duly received one- I was about £9 over, better than
I'd expected.
However, when I
looked at the bill, the cost of my international calls,
texts and even receiving calls abroad was minimal. "Where's this
going?" you may be wondering. Well, on the day I decided to
go to the Birmingham match, I must have rung the ticket
office at least 10 times (sounds a lot but a few consecutive
tries in the morning, the same at lunch and the same in the
afternoon). I didn't succeed in speaking to anyone, just
heard the same long recorded message about office opening
hours, menu options etc. before being told no-one was
available. Sometimes I held for a couple of minutes,
sometimes not at all. When I looked at my bill, this had
cost me over eight quid! So don't stay on hold if you're
phoning for tickets. I think it's 25p a minute; criminal for
someone in Derby phoning somewhere else in Derby- a stealth
tax if ever there was one. The ironic thing was, I subsequently found out that
Birmingham tickets were only available in-person from the
ground.
March 4th
I see the
reserves lost again last night. One thing Jewell and Davies
seem to be in agreement over is a policy of not playing
senior players. A few have played once or twice but in the
main its been a team of kids. There must be some thinking
behind this (avoiding injuries probably) but I reckon
there's a few "pro's" to outweigh the "cons": the chance for
Earnie to get a few semi-competitive goals; Robert to get
his match fitness up; or Feilhaber and Villa to get
acclimatised. The younger players also benefit from playing
alongside experienced pro's.
I think I'm on
safe ground to offer an opinion here: both teams are rock
bottom; the first team is (and has all season been) full of
players low in sharpness and confidence; no young players
have earned a call-up despite our ongoing desperation for
anyone or anything to improve the side. I
can't see anyone turning round and saying "it's working
fine".
March 3rd
I wrote last week
about how stats can be used to prove one thing or another.
This weeks Observer printed a table entitled "Couldn't Hit A
Cow's..." showing players with the most shots off target.
The top three were Adebayor, Ronaldo and Torres. The Premier
League's top scorers are also Ronaldo, Adebayor and Torres.
I think a better title would have been "If you don't shoot,
you don't score". (The Rams of course have very few shots
off target).
Another set of
stats showed players with the lowest Tackle Success Rate
with our own Dean Leacock featured in the bottom five. Not
to worry though, he was joined by Carragher and Jenas whilst
the Top 5 feature such hard men as Seb Larsson, Julio Arca
and Mikel Arteta. It all begs the question- Does someone
actually get paid for compiling all this?
March 2nd
There were quite
a few things about yesterdays game that made me realise how
low expectations had fallen nowadays. When Sterjovski was
subbed I said something like "he was alright" which was
immediately contested by the Jackal. When I considered for a
moment I thought- he played right wing yet didn't take on or
beat his man once, he didn't put any decent crosses in and
he hasn't had a shot. I suppose what I had meant is that he
hadn't made any catastrophic errors- and that's about all we
can ask nowadays. Similarly, when Villa was subbed, quite a
few people gave him a standing ovation. The fact is, he'd
done absolutely nothing. Sunderland were also dreadful but I
think everyone, myself included, was overjoyed just to be
getting a point. They even played "Chelsea Dagger" at the
final whistle, a song usually reserved for celebrations like
lifting the play-off trophy or drawing at home to Bolton.
There was more of
the same in this mornings Observer where the Rams fan giving
his thoughts on the game gave Kenny Miller a 9/10 making him
centre-forward in Team of The Week. Miller wasn't bad but
again- surely we should expect more than two speculative
efforts against a defence with a worse away record than
ours? (The same bloke also awarded Roy Carroll a "4" for
keeping an ultra rare Rams clean sheet- this bizarrely made
him the 'keeper in the Flops of the Week team.)
February 28th
I'm reading Stan
Ternent's book at the moment "Stan the Man". There's that
much material in there that I'll probably write a full
article for the main zine. However, this anecdote just can't
wait:
(Stan's team Bury
are losing 1-0 at Bradford and a 20-man brawl has erupted)
"Months of
frustration were being exorcised by a good old scrap. From
nowhere Paul Jewell, who was assistant manager to Chris
Kamara at Bradford, appeared and got stuck in.
No one touches my
players. I wasn't having it...I dragged him into the dugout,
dug him in the ribs and bashed his head against the roof.
Suddenly he didn't want to get stuck in any more".
I'm sure they are
best of pals by the last chapter.
February 27th
A few seasons ago
when the Rams played Stoke away, Ade Akinbiyi "scored" and
ran off to the corner flag to celebrate, closely followed by
several amorous Stoke players. However, the linesman had
flagged and the goal was disallowed. Derby took a quick
free-kick and ran almost unopposed to the other end where
Adam Bolder (from memory) put the ball in the Stoke net. The
ref then disallowed our "goal" for reasons unclear in the
away end. He said afterwards that the free kick was either
from the wrong place or didn't properly leave the area- some
bullshit. Stoke scored in injury time and we lost 1-0.
(you're probably
now thinking "I know all that, what's your point?")
Last weekend in
the Real Madrid v. Getafe match, an almost identical
situation occurred... but this time the ref didn't bottle
it. It was the only goal of the game and Getafe won 1-0.
Here's the clip in Spanish (Good job I told you what it was all about)
Evidently a quiet
day for football news, the Derby Telegraph reported a story
from Psychic News (Psycho News might be more accurate
reading this one) about a "dog that celebrated promotion" in
May last year. The story claims "throughout
that season, one or two people had reported an unusual black
dog hanging around outside the ground". Before you call
Ghostbusters- I've got a black dog and often coupled walkies
with a trip to the ticket office (when it was outside).
Presumably talking about the celebrations, the story then
reads "Some say they saw it...jumping around excitedly and
doing somersaults". I think half of Derby was seeing
somersaulting dogs by the end of Promotion night!
February 25th
The Observer
often throw some random statistics into their results
service and this week they had a Premier League "Aerial
duels won" list. Remarkably, Steve Howard was sixth, despite
not playing in the Premier League for two months and not
always being a regular when he did (the count is actual
duels won rather than a percentage).
Stats can
generally be twisted to prove anything but here's a few
things this may tell us:
1) We played an
awful lot of long balls when Howard was here.
2) We really
should have had someone up front with him at all times as it
seems he was doing "his job" quite well.
3) A couple of
decent wingers would have made things interesting.
4) It's a shame
some of them didn't end up in the net.
(To correct
myself on yesterdays entry before some other smart Alec
does- the Beta Band track in question is actually called
"Smiling", has far more vocals than I remember and is a mere
eight and a half minutes long).
February 24th
A unanimous
verdict on yesterday's game at Wigan. My brother did The
Verdict for the Observer and the paragraph included: "If
there was a worse match in all four divisions I'm glad I
didn't see it...[I can't] think of a worse Derby display in
the last 10 years". The main report included the line "...a
sure-fire contender for the worst Premier League game of the
season". Paul Jewell called it "...the worst performance
I've ever, ever seen from a so-called Premier League team".
The victorious Wigan fan in The Verdict summarised "It was
awful".
On a lighter
note...
By pure
coincidence, following yesterdays entry, I got a text from
my brother about half time penalty shoot-outs (he was en
route to Wigan via Blackpool so wouldn't have read the
entry). It read "half time peno shoot out music is Beta
Band! Think its Smile off 1st LP".
The track in
question is obscure to say the least; an album track from an
album 10 years old. The song itself is a ten minute long
near instrumental with a sporadic singing gnome refrain. The
record buying public voted with their feet on that one; the commercial
splash made was similar to that of Rams shirts emblazoned
with "3 Griffin".
So now we have
the dream ticket- fat blokes, slippy shoes, singing gnomes.
To coin a phrase- what's not to like?
(If this all
sounds a bit surreal, remember how many times we've seen
penalty shoot outs between two grown men in animal costumes.
An unsuspecting away mascot in inflatable It's A Knockout
boots against Rammie in his Adidas Predators).
February 23rd
The first signs
of American Sports Marketing can now be seen- A family
ticket for the Sunderland game includes 2 Adult tickets, 2
Junior tickets, 4 Coca-Cola's and 4 Hot Dogs (and a mini
ball for some reason).
No doubt half
time entertainment will soon be on the agenda. English
football has many quirks, so for the benefit of any new
board members here's one of them: although football crowds
are mostly male, there is very little interest in watching
scantily dressed cheerleaders. What would be far preferable
is to get some slightly overweight fans in normal shoes and
jeans to take penno's against the Youth team 'keeper (I can
even supply you with some contestants if you want). That's a
few hundred quid on a focus group saved.
February 21st
It's been a
strange few weeks for Celtic midfielder Barry Robson. On the
eve of the transfer deadline Dundee Utd. accepted a million
pound bid for him from lower division also-rans Nottingham
Forest (you may have heard of them, we played them a few
years ago). Celtic then matched the offer and Baz not
surprisingly decided to join Celtic.
Had he signed for
Forest, he would have spent Tuesday travelling up to
Carlisle only for the lower division scrap to be postponed
for bad weather. As it was, on Wednesday he played and
scored in front of 60,000 fans at Celtic Park against
Barcelona.
Next week he'll
probably be playing in the Nou Camp. Forest's next away
match is Orient.
February 19th
Simon
suggestedthat Feilhaber's finest moment at the club
could have been the opening of Starbucks. I remember that he
was due to open it alongside Lewis but only saw Lewis in the
ensuing publicity photographs. Could this have been a
strange microcosm of Benny Fill's Rams career? earmarked has
having all the skills and attributes to do the job but
ultimately just didn't get the call.
(My
power supply is knackered on my laptop so there may be a
break for a day or two).
February 18th
The other email,
as mentioned last entry, referred to the Departure Lounge
article with a comment along the lines of "I'll be
interested to see what you come up with for Benny
Feilhaber's best moment when he inevitably leaves in the
summer".
Head's are being
scratched as we speak.
February 16th
We had an
unprecedented amount of activity in the Ramspace post box
last week with two emails in as many days (usually we're
lucky to get one a month between us- and you call us
lazy bastards!?).
One was about the
Premier League's plan to play games abroad and the offer to
colonise world football being met with a collective "you're
all right thanks mate" from the FA's of the world. There's a
lot you could say about the whole fiasco so I won't even
start but thought I'd share a story:
It was suggested
that Bangalore could be one of the venues, in fairness, by
one of the newspapers rather than the FA. I go to Bangalore
every year and a couple of years ago went to watch a Test
match- India v. Australia. A major sporting fixture by any
standards.
The seats in our
area were simple white garden chairs with numbers written on
them. As people began to arrive and recognise their mates,
they simply took their seat with them and swapped chairs, so
they stayed in the correct seat number but for example, seat
B25 was now situated between P92 and P94. One bright spark
decided he would like a bit more leg and elbow room- so took
his seat to sit in the middle of the gangway. He was soon
joined by many others until going anywhere was an obstacle
course. As the sun rose, others went for a walkabout to sit
in the shade. In another area of the ground, people in the
cheap standing area were slipping a few rupee's through the
fence and being passed a chair from the more pricey seating
area. Soon the standing and seating area's were reversed. As
for the food and drink- that was a man-tangle of epic
proportions.
Let's home the
Premier League send their finest stewards along- I'd love to
see some of those tossers try and sort that out!
February 14th
Can you imagine a
team with a worse record than ours? A team without a win all
season, a team whose last 4 games include defeats of 0-5,
0-6 and 0-8 conceding an average of 3.4 goals a game. Allow
me to introduce...Derby County reserves.
In fairness,
we've fielded a team of kids in most games but on Tuesday
night against Reading we had a first team squad midfield and
attack of Feilhaber, Jones, Teale, Lewis, Earnshaw and
Sterjovski- and still got hammered 5-0.
February 13th
I was in a rush
yesterday so a few further comments on yesterdays Bob
Malcolm story:
"the Bobster":
what a great nickname. I think Earnie should re-invent
himself as "the Bobster" next year and forget this
season ever happened.
Being banned
from driving and being banned from football are not the
same thing (ask Vincent Pericard- although being
incarcerated can restrict your appearances).
I fear for
the future of the MLS if Bob Malcolm is the kind of
character to "add personality" to the league. Or maybe
we are behind the times? (as the other bloke suggested).
Are our silly notions of skill and talent just Saxon
helmet (i.e. old hat)?
February 12th
Whilst searching
for something on Bob Malcolm, Chris stumbled across an FC
Dallas website where people where discussing a rumour that
he was joining them. Here's some excerpts:
So,
what do we know about the Bobster?
– He’s a center back / holding mid.
– He played 88 times for Rangers before being released.
– He’s probably banned from English football for somewhere
between 15-20 months due to his recent drunk driving
incident....
Wow.
“Sleepy” Bob Malcolm a member of FC Dallas? Will he join us
at
Lochrann’s for a pint?
Wax poetic about the Old Firm games he was a part of? Maybe
he’d even drive us home after the games…
Nothing on this
end of the pond seems to have suggested him,
so the Brit media is likely behind the times
(like the rest of that country)*.
Why MLS? Well
his options in the UK appear to be limited
now. Additionally he is the kind of colorful
‘tasty character’ which some believe MLS
needs more of to add personality and
controversy to the league, thus generating
‘water-cooler’ discussion.
*I know the US
like to see themselves as the world
authority on most things but world leaders
on Bob Malcolm speculation is pushing it a
bit.
February 11th
In the aftermath
of Man U. getting doubled by City at the weekend, Carlos
Queiroz had
a moan about players being tired from international duty in
the week. A few weeks ago United had a rare week with no
internationals, no Champions League and no domestic league
or Cup. So how did they use these valuable few days? They
flew the first team squad to the Middle East and back to
play a friendly in the desert climate of Saudi Arabia.
(Allegedly paid a million quid- claims of "it's not about
the money" were especially thin on this one). I'm sure your
players are feeling jaded Carlos.
Ferguson defended
the trip by saying "We have
gone away before in mid-season and it has worked well for
us. We went to Dubai a couple of years ago and we won the FA
Cup at the end of that season". If we had won the cup,
great, let's go every year. But Man U? Wouldn't it be more
accurate to say "We went to Dubai a couple of years ago and
didn't win the league"?
February 10th
When announcing
the attendance for yesterdays game, the chap on the tannoy
added the usual "Derby County would like to thank you for
your continued loyal support". So what thanks do we get for
continuing to buy tickets despite the absolutely dreadful
home form? Prices up by a tenner (30% if you prefer) for our
next home game- which is incidentally one of the least attractive of the season.
We love you too.
As the Spurs game
approached a sell-out, I wonder what the thoughts were
amongst the clubs bean-counters: "Great, what wonderful,
loyal fans we have" or "shit, we could have charged them
more for that one"?
February 9th
(written on the
morning of the Tottenham match)
Today's game
looks like being a sell-out. A Tottenham fan at work was
planning to go and I asked him the other day if he had his
ticket yet (at this point there were a couple of hundred
left). He said he hadn't as Derby weren't activating any new
customer numbers because of the number of Spurs fans trying
to register and buy tickets. Whilst listening, I was
thinking to myself "at the end of this conversation I'll
make a truly kind gesture that will warm the cockles of his
heart- I'll offer my customer number". He finished by saying
"...we thought 'fair enough', we wouldn't be happy if away
fans were buying tickets at White Hart Lane and taking Spurs
fans tickets". I thought "good point, well made", nodded and
strolled off.
February 6th
From an article
about gay athletes in the Observer Sport Monthly:
"False rumours
that Graeme Le Saux was gay started in his own dressing
room, when his team mates discovered he had spent his
holiday with defender Ken Monkou. "All of a sudden everyone
was making jokes about "camping with Ken","Le Saux has said.
In his autobiography, Left Field, Le Saux describes
the abuse. "I got plenty of comments from other players
about being a faggot or a queer, Robbie Savage seemed to get
a particular thrill out of it"."
I wonder why
those Chelsea pranksters (probably Vinny Jones, Dennis Wise
et al during that time) chose to target Le Saux rather than
giant Centre Back Ken Monkou? A misdirected comment towards
Monkou could have saved us a whole decade of Dennis Wise.
For those who don't remember Ken Monkou, he's this big:
Meanwhile, the
debate rumbles on about the most dangerous chocolate bar
with the suggestion that a Snickers Duo could be used as a
pair of nunchackers.
February 5th
The latest
example of football gone mad: a lad at work told me today
how after the rigorous body search of away fans at
Birmingham he was told "you can't take that in with you". He
had his Kit-Kat confiscated. What damage could you possibly
do with a Kit-Kat? To my reckoning, with the traditional
4-finger style, you could just about reach the home fans by
using an underarm skimming technique. Even then the only
person at risk would be a passing diabetic succumbing to
temptation. With the chunky version, I suppose you could
punch someone in the face whilst gripping one.
The only
chocolate bars you could possibly do any harm with in terms
of a) being able to launch it a fair distance and b) coming
keen if it hit you on the temple are the king sized Mars or
Yorkie- ironically the only two chocolate bars you will see
for sale in a football ground! (Birmingham City also offer a
selection of hot drinks for pouring on away fans from the
upper tier).
February 4th
Apparently
Bywater was 2 or 3 weeks away from fitness last week and
didn't even make the bench against Man City. This Saturday
he played a full game for Ipswich. Presumably not part of
our plan then.
February 3rd
(updated with
Times link)
With our dire
form this season, its often been difficult to find an angle
for the Times column or the Observer phone call. When
Birmingham took the field to Steps' "Tragedy" I immediately
clocked it was a great pun waiting to happen, all it needed
now was for the Blues to suffer a tragedy. Click
here if you want to read
the Times article, feel free to leave a comment on it, pro
Derby comments always welcome.
I know some Rams
fans weren't keen on Robbie Savage's arrival but I'm sure
even the biggest sceptics would enjoy his latest wind up.
Apparently before the match, he claimed to have been
Birmingham's best player ever. The chap from the
Observer told me this but I took it to mean whilst he was
there, I replied "well they got relegated when he left so he
probably was". I realised he meant ever when the Birmingham
fan in the paper started going on about Trevor
Francis.
To add further
salt to the wound, how about this from Jewell in the press
conference, when asked about Derby's equaliser:
Q: "So what can
you tell us about Villa?"
Jewell: "Well, I
think they're the top team in Birmingham, aren't they?"
Who'd have
thought a scrappy draw against Birmingham would give us so
much pleasure?
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Why MLS? Well his options in the UK appear to be limited now. Additionally he is the kind of colorful ‘tasty character’ which some believe MLS needs more of to add personality and controversy to the league, thus generating ‘water-cooler’ discussion.
The link is Could ex-Ranger Bob Malcolm join the Hoops? (The Hoops in this case being FC Dallas for any Celtic sympathisers about to have a heart attack).
*I know the US like to see themselves as the world authority on most things but world leaders on Bob Malcolm speculation is pushing it a bit.