January 31st

Before last nights match, the Jackal told me that according to Sky, Darius Vassell was on 49 Premier League goals and looking for his 50th. My first thoughts were that this couldn't be right, a striker who has been in the game for 10 years and played for England must have averaged more than 5 a season. Minutes later, Vassell ran clean through after a short Davis backpass...and slid it wide. A further few minutes later, a stunning Petrov cross found Vassell's feet in the six yard box...he controlled it, hesitated, then got mugged by Big Dave. If it had just hit his knee in the first place it was a goal. My revised opinion was "How the hell has he scored nearly 50 goals?"

January 30th

I've been off work today, for possibly the first time ever, with a stomach bug. I feel like a colleague who said to me last year "I can't understand it, I've usually got a stomach of iron. I've eaten all over the world and had no problems. Prague, Czechoslovakia, everywhere".

Whilst at home I've taken the chance to read a book about corruption in football (Broken Dreams by Tom Bower. As Simon said "plenty of ammo for the Journals in there"). So far its been mostly about Venables and Bates but our friends down the road also get a few mentions. One particular story involves Forest's then assistant manager and Cloughie's partner in crime (quite literally) Ronnie Fenton. Forest are signing a few Scandinavians and for one particular transfer (Toddy Orlygsson) Fenton is dispatched to Hull to collect £45,000 in cash from a trawler moored at Hull. This is not just alleged but stated as fact.

Now we'll begrudgingly admit that Forest enjoyed some moderate success around that time. Fenton spent six years as Cloughie's assistant. Most assistants in that position would eventually either take the reins themselves or become chief at another club What did Fenton do? He retired to Malta when the F.A. enquiry started.

January 29th

I was talking to the editor a couple of days ago about potential articles and we were saying how we didn't want to go too far down the road of slagging off the current squad. Firstly because it's generally a negative thing to do and not a good way of supporting the club; and secondly because you live in hope that the players will turn good at some point and don't want to be hypocritical or have egg on your face.

With that in mind:

1) You've probably all read the Bob Malcolm story: twice over the drink driving limit, decided to drive from London to Derbyshire, then decided to have a kip in the middle lane of the M1. There's no point me adding any commentary to this (although I think the "give the guy a break" comment by someone on the Derby Telegraph website might be a bit generous).

2) We can now safely say that Jon Macken wasn't a particularly good signing as he joins the exclusive club of Rams strikers never to have scored. Full analysis to come when I get round to the Departure Lounge.

January 28th

Having read excerpts from the Press Conference and the open letter from Andy Appleby, I have to say that I'm on board for the takeover. The new men are said to be experts at marketing but even so, it was good to see no mention of "soccer" or "franchise". My reasons for optimism are as follows: 1) They have a track record of success in sport (according to their on-line biographies- my C.V. is equally as impressive) 2) They are professionals in their field rather than someone's vanity project. 3)The Chief Exec is relocating from the US so they evidently mean business. 4) They will only make money if we have success on the pitch. All in all potentially more exciting than turning into Coventry or Wolves.

One question that keeps cropping up is why investors would want to get involved in the Rams and how they would ever make money? I've already heard people on the radio saying ticket prices will go up. Personally, I can't really see this happening. Even if you put £10 on each ticket (highly unlikely) the extra revenue over a season would barely buy you a Chopra or Kamara, never mind pay his wages. However, if you play Man Utd. and can get a slice of 50m Chinese pay-per-viewing, a few million Indians downloading the goals to their phones and half of Malaysia watching it over the internet on contract then it could well be worth more than my tenner. One things for sure, we've got to get back into the Premier League.

I was interested to see that Andy Appleby of GSE is from Michigan. According to my stats for the Journals, Michigan is also home to one of the regular readers. Coincidence? God knows what impression he'd get of Rams fans from this. 

January 27th

A couple of weeks ago I commented how we hadn't had anyone sent off this season, it looks like I've put a curse on us now with two in the last fortnight. Fortunately I didn't go to the Preston game yesterday as it was the editor's wedding. In his role as an usher, Bob made sure all the guests needs were met, with a discreet "0-2" gesture during the vows.

I went to the ticket office today and whilst there asked the young lad serving how games are categorised (see yesterday's Journals for the relevance of this) or more to the point why Sunderland should be "Gold". After being as surprised as I was he came out with the unlikely and slightly bizarre theory of "I think they decide if its going to be a good game or not and the Sunderland game will probably be better than the other two (Tottenham and Man City)". I think his theory was loosely based on the likelihood of us. winning. Maybe he has a point, at £15 someone obviously realised the Preston game would be crap! 

January 26th

It looks like the American takeover is going ahead. I wrote a few days ago about ticket prices being lower of late and speculated that maintaining 30,000+ crowd was healthy for the takeover. I don't want to get into conspiracy theories but I couldn't help noticing that now this seems to be sorted, the prices for the Sunderland match are out and it's a Gold game! (i.e.a higher bracket than Tottenham and Man City). I'd be intrigued to know how these things get decided. More confusingly, the default price for a Gold game is now listed as £37 rather than £40, I presume this is building in the on-line discount?

Those of you with season tickets will probably have little interest in the last bit other than to feel pleased you don't have all this hassle. Me and the Jackal were trying to work out what to do for the Spurs game last night. We need to return Man City tickets as some freebies have come up so we thought we'd do a straight swap. My dad's 60 now though so we might as well buy an O.A.P. and swap with his season ticket, Simon's on holiday so we could use his season ticket, Bob might be in corporate in which case his ticket could be spare but my brother will take his son, so we might as well by a kids ticket...my head was absolutely spinning by the end of all this. Luckily the Jackal is a master of working out such complications- usually solved by "I'll get the tickets, if you give me a fiver, buy me a pint and pay for my 5 a-side, we're all square...are you fucking thick or something?".

January 24th

Something I've noticed during this transfer window is the lack of players moving from the Championship to the Premier League. From memory the list is basically Marlon King and a couple of teenage full backs. During the last transfer window, three clubs fished from this particular pool of talent more than anyone else: Us (Davis, Earnshaw, Price. Lewis, Griffin and Mears also spent most of last season there); Fulham (Baird, Cook, Bouazza, Kuqi, Healy, Kamara) and Sunderland (Higginbotham, McShane, Etuhu, Chopra, Jones). Coincidently, the bottom three teams are currently us, Fulham and Sunderland.

(A Fulham fan in the paper recently claimed Kamara was, pound for pound, worse value than the infamous Steve Marlet).

Other facts which may or may not be related: the third promoted club, Birmingham, signed no Championship players. Steve Bruce was the only manager of the three to have managed in the Premier League before.

January 23rd

I see Craig Fagan took a few steps to being a slightly better man's El Hadji Diouf last night (see Journals 18th Jan). No, not by displaying some dazzling skill but by his crowd-incensing celebration in front of the Spion Kop after netting Derby's winning penalty. His credibility immediately shot up with 3,000+ Rams fans.

Step 2- score a real goal.

January 21st

A few days ago, I wrote about how ticket prices had quietly come down by classifying all recent games in the bottom "Silver" category. On top of this, we've had £10 tickets for the Middlesbrough match and deals for Sheff Wednesday and Wigan packages. With this in mind, I was intrigued to read the following in a Hull City fanzine:

"Paul Duffen and his mates [Hull City's new owners] are witnessing first hand some of Adam Pearson's sales techniques. I would predict upwards of 4,000 free tickets were available for most home games last season while Duffen was considering an offer for the club. Excellent marketing by Pearson, the ground looks full, earnings potential massive, big club, big asking price".*

Let's hope the American takeover drags on a while, I've already saved at least 50-60 quid on matchday prices. If things on the pitch continue they'll probably be paying me to turn up by Easter.

(*My source was the paper version of the "City Independent", the website is www.cityindependent.net)

January 18th

Right, the Barcelona trip. Picture the scene, you're sitting on a plane, dozing at half seven in the morning when you hear a voice booming down the aisles "Craig Fagan is a piss-poor man's El Hadji Diouf!" We were off. (Simon's rationale being that Fagan fails to either wind up opposing defenders or score goals. He probably doesn't spit straight either).

I won't write a long vanity piece but I'll try to pick out a few highlights and observations:

We went to the Nou Camp on Saturday to see Barcelona v. Murcia. You'd be surprised at the number of English voices on the way to and from the match. Barcelona won 4-0. The thing that struck me was that everything was to passed to feet  by both sides. I suppose you can see that on the telly but seeing it live, I can't stress enough how bizarre it would have looked for a defender to lump the ball forward. There were very few Murcia fans to be seen; one I do remember seeing was carrying a pig skin of booze that he must have looted during the civil war, it made Jackals hip flask look like a shot glass.

After the match it was back onto the town. A few drinks, a lot of laughs and a lot of people agreeing to do the Pride Park 10k run. No one was quite sure how far this was in reality; Jackal was threatening to start his training soon whilst Simon maintained a few star jumps beforehand would be sufficient. A few hours later in a club, me and Simon reflected that if our "jogging on the spot" dancing had forward momentum, we would have been in Valencia by now, never mind passing Frankie and Benny's.

I learnt one thing that night: dance music sounds better through strobe lights and dry ice at 5am in Barcelona than it does on Radio 1 when you're in a hurry to get from Ilkeston to Ripley.

The walk home afterwards was an obstacle course due to an abundance of African prostitutes with strict sales targets and aggressive marketing methods. I tried to emphasise that I wasn't interested by saying "I'm married" and showing my wedding ring. I don't know if this was interpreted as displaying some "bling" (its a simple gold band") but I was chased up the Ramblas and kicked up the arse in a scene resembling a soft porn Benny Hill sketch.

We did do some sight seeing. Me and Simon met Jackal and Bob at Sagrada Familia. We had a coffee and debated whether or not to go to Sheff Wednesday. As we walked to the taxi rank, we saw a massive unfinished Cathedral over our shoulder.

All in all a great trip and by tea time on Saturday, we weren't so gutted about missing the Wigan game.

(My wife's just slated me by saying "is anyone really interested in your holiday?" so I'll sign off).

January 17th

Trying to explain the Savage signing to a non-football fan makes you realise how football has a moral code all of its own (for the record I was in favour of signing Savage). In his Trader column, Neil Hallam says "...the mere mention of this vexatious character's name is sufficient to make me hold my nose." and "I have always regarded him as a particular virulent species of "anti-footballer". I've checked my dictionary and I don't think he likes him.

To me Savage is a wind up merchant who has indulged in more than his fair share of gamesmanship- basically a pantomime villain. However, I bet Sunderland's interest in Savage caused more moral outrage than the signing of alleged rapist Jonny Evans. Some footballers get up to all kinds of despicable antics: alleged rape; drugs; excessive drink (the objection to the last two being that we pay them to be in peak physical shape); adultery; wife beating; and just being plain obnoxious and complete idiots but are we really bothered if it's off the park? I wonder if Hallam and others would object to drink driver Bob Malcolm turning out on Saturday for the Rams (not forgetting that Malcolm allegedly drove 130 miles under the influence, endangering hundreds of lives as he went)? Well, they probably would, but only because he's completely shit. As far as I know, the only life Savage has endangered is his own by winding up 40,000 fans most weeks.

Vaguely related, I was talking to A Hull Fan At Work about ex-Radio1 DJ and TV Presenter Andy Kershaw. Seems like a decent bloke. Apparently, he's just been banged up for breaching a restraining order placed for harassing his ex-wife. On top of that he's a raging alcoholic who has been ordered to dry out...but still, how can he not be a nice bloke listening to all those sunny African beats? Next time you hear him on the radio playing World Music and think "I don't really get this", just remember, he's probably sat at his decks absolutely trolleyed.

January 16th

I had a bit of a moan at the start of the season about how there was a massive unpublicised rise in match day ticket prices. Most fans only discovered this when trying to buy tickets for the Portsmouth match and suddenly realising why a cash machine had been installed at Pride Park. Prices were billed as "starting from £29-£30" but the snide bit was that no games fell into that category with Pompey, Birmingham and Bolton all being classed as "Gold" forty quidders.

It's only fair then, to mention that ticket prices seem to have gone down in a similarly stealthy fashion with all recent home games including Tottenham and Man City being in the lowest category. I don't know if it's Adam Pearson's influence or simply a victory for common sense but I for one will be a few quid better off.

January 15th

I'd assumed there would be loads of tickets available for the Sheff Wednesday game but I checked the official website last night and over 3,000 had already been sold; we were down to the last few. My dad raced to Pride Park this morning to get a handful only to find out a couple of hours later it was off. For the second time running, my previous entry has soon become irrelevant.

It probably did me a favour bearing in mind I've got a fortnights housework to do before tomorrow. I thought instead that steer clear of the Rams and write about the Barcelona trip but that will have to wait a couple of days as 1) I've got too much housework to do and 2) Publishing holiday stories before you've had chance to tell your spouse probably isn't wise.

January 14th

One reason why I tend not to write too much about forthcoming matches is that 1) it soon becomes obsolete and 2) It can make me look stupid (and usually does). So opening the software to write this tonight, I cringed to think that people had read the Journals on Sunday and today to be greeted with excitement about the Wigan game.

A few of us decided to go to the Sheff Wednesday replay tomorrow in a moment of enthusiasm on Saturday afternoon. After Wigan scored, the subject wasn't raised for a couple of days but revived again this morning. Now we've found out no new players will be on display but we're still going. Passion for the club or ambulance chasing? (I could have sworn I heard Bob saying "shall we not bother?" in the background when I rang the Jackal about pick-up's and told him about the team news- he was probably joking).

I just wonder if we'll be able to get a team together? By my calculations we've got 9 less players available than we had at Friday lunch-time: Oakley and Grifter have been sold; Holmes loaned out; Savage, Villa, Ghaly and Robert inelligible; Davis suspended; and now Benny Fill has followed his Presidents example and gone for talks in the Middle East. We weren't exactly flush with players in the first place with all the injuries. I'd like to think we may see some youngsters but in reality it will probably mean starts for Macken, Fagan, Jonno, Eddy and Lewis.

January 11th

It could be the dawning of a new era tomorrow- I can't believe I'm not going to the match! Instead, I, along with a few people often mentioned on these pages, will be watching Barcelona v. Murcia at the Nou Camp in honour of the editors stag do. Wigan at home seemed as good a game as any to miss when it was booked several months ago but our thoughts will definitely be in Derby come 3pm. (In case you wondered why I've had two holidays in such a short time- the wife and child have gone to the in-laws for a fortnight).

Jagger hasn't told us who will be captain yet but I know where my money is. It's highly likely to be a Jewell signing who is here for the long haul- flowing blonde hair and a Welsh accent aren't a prerequisite but could be a feature.

January 10th

If you ever thought Sunday supplements were filled with any old crap sandwiched between lucrative adverts, how about this for filler from Sunday's Observer Sport magazine:

"20 Footballers who should have been characters in 19th-century novels"

At number 2 we have- "Giles Barnes -Dogged inspector of farms such as Bramble's*", followed by ex-Ram "Tom Huddlestone- Doughty yeoman, not a malicious bone in his body"

I'm sure it was all very funny in the office on a Friday afternoon. If you went to Public School.

*No.1 is "Titus Bramble- Sturdy farmer wrongly accused of a crime of passion." I think the News of The World wrongly accused Titus Bramble of a crime of passion a few years ago. This one involved several other footballers and took place in a London hotel rather than a country farm. Allegedly.

Still with The Observer, I had to smile at the Sunderland fan in the "Season so far" article who said they could do with strengthening the defence (they signed 5 in the summer- Halford, Anderson, McShane, Higginbottom, Harte), a midfielder (just the 2 in the summer- Etuhu and Richardson) and a striker (4 signed in the summer- Chopra, Cole, O'Donovan, Jones). I feel a "Manage The Mackems" article coming on...watch this space.

Readers from the following countries have read either the Journals or Jukebox in the past few weeks (I only get stats on the 2):

U.K., U.S., Germany, Taiwan, Hungary, Sweden, Norway, Malta, Malaysia, Thailand, Australia, China, Ireland, Finland.

January 9th

You read it here first. From the Ramspace "New Chief- Adam Pearson" article:

"One last word – Pearson lives in Harrogate [...] Amongst his neighbours are Mick McCarthy and Danny Mills. I’m off to start the rumours…"

I was talking to the author, A Hull Fan At Work, about Danny Mills only a week ago and he wasn't particularly complimentary about him. However, I asked him with renewed interest today and a lot of it seems to relate to the Charlton v. Hull game this season. Having recently been on loan at both clubs, Mills whipped himself into a frenzy, culminating in him getting sent off and offending all and sundry: Hull because he acting like a psychopath; Charlton because they were down to 10 men; and probably Man City because he came back three weeks early from his loan excursion (whether Sven allowed him to rejoin training is not known). However, he assured me today that had Mills been at Pride Park all season, opposing strikers wouldn't have been waltzing through the Rams defence in such comfort- and that can only be a good thing. I'm not suggesting that there's ever any merit in getting sent off but the fact that we haven't had anyone red carded this season (especially in the current climate) is probably indicative of the lack of passion in our play- even during some of our horror shows, no one has lost their rag.

January 8th

(extra paragraph added later)

I've only been away a few days and so much activity! The same happened last year when I was in India and got a text from my brother with 4 signings in it. I won't discuss the signings too much as I suppose that's happening in the forums but it would probably suffice to say that Jewell and Pearson are doing something very different to what Davies and Birch did (or didn't do). There's a whole new world outside Scotland and ex-Preston players. Saying "we've got Robbie Savage and Laurent Robert lined up" to prospective signings is a bit more impressive than "Griffin and Eddie Lewis are almost in the bag"- you can just imagine "erm...I'll leave it thanks mate".

I went to Hungary to stay with a Watford fan I know. I was idly playing with a Watford coaster when a question occurred to me: "Why are Watford known as the Hornets when their badge is some kind of Moose?" Apparently, the badge (a stag) is the emblem of Hertfordshire and "the Hornets" was a Graham Taylor stunt akin to Sunderland christening themselves the Black Cats a few years ago. A bit of useless information for you.

My Dad bought me a copy of The Observer to see how the "season so far" article turned out. After reading it- it looked like I'd been a bit harsh on Earnie. I've seen the feature before and for the "boo boy" category, I was going to write something like "no one has been singled out, Rams fans aren't like that, who do you think we are, West Ham? etc." but I re-read the question and it was "boo boy..or perhaps the most disappointing player". The natural choice was Earnie: record signing, hasn't played, hasn't scored, disappointing to say the least. The printed version simply said "boo-boy", evoking images of me chucking pies at him whilst he's warming up and dragging 50p pieces down the side of his Hummer. A big picture of Earnie emphasised the point. So in case your reading Earnie, I didn't mean any malice. If you see me crossing the road when you're driving to the ground, don't pretend your brakes are playing up.

January 3rd

A "Season so far" article I wrote for this Sunday's Observer:

What do you make of the season so far?

It’s been worse than we could possibly have imagined. 

Where will you finish and why?

Bottom. In my view, Billy Davies underestimated the Premiership, sending out players and systems that fell woefully short. He signed 10 players in the summer but none have had an impact [I had a 120 word limit for the whole piece so had to go with the "broad brush" analysis].  We have been hammered by some good sides but have also lost to a lot of mediocre teams. We have competed better under Jewell but the ship hit the berg months ago.

Who has been your star man?

No-one really but Oakley and Miller have been better than others.

Who if anyone has been the boo-boy, or perhaps the most disappointing player?

Earnshaw has been a massive disappointment. Our record signing and best hope for a dozen goals but neither manager has played him and he’s still yet to score.

Champions?

Arsenal

Going Down? 

Sunderland, Bolton  and…possibly us. [Bolton were chosen ahead of Wigan or Fulham on the assumption that Anelka will be sold and according to the papers will be replaced by two blokes from West Brom]

The chap at the Observer replied "Thanks very much - very honest of you". Well I couldn't exactly big us up could I!

I'm away for the weekend so updates in a few days.

January 2nd

Whatever would journalists do without the internet? Yesterday, I was on the net and saw that we were signing Emanuel Villa, I hadn't heard of him so had a quick look on Wikipedia. There wasn't much on there: his age, height and previous clubs with stats only for his last two. Lo and behold, today's Derby Telegraph ran a back page story about the signing and guess what they'd unearthed about Manny V? "The 25 year old, who stands 5ft 11in, has hit 10 goals in 28 appearances...etc.". It then lists his previous clubs, with stats only for his previous club. Whatever happened to doing some proper research?

The lazy journalism continues (Bolton have just scored so this may take a bitter turn), by saying that Villa will be the third Argentinean to play for the Rams after Fuertes and Carbonari. I make it the fourth- don't forget Zavagno, the most recent of the lot. After all of ten seconds research, I can reveal that Zavagno is now playing for Pisa in Serie B.

January 1st

I was a bit surprised to see Howard shipped out so soon. I was having a conversation with my dad earlier in the day about the pro's and con's of keeping various players and Howard was one of those we concluded we should probably sell- the rationale being that he'll be turning 33 next season so probably wouldn't be the best bet to lead us back to the Premiership. If we did come back, he wouldn't be leading the line in 2009. To me, the sale of Howard signifies the end of an era as much as Gadsby's abdication or Davies' departure. Now let's get on with 2008.

For the record, I think some of the stick Howard has taken this season has been harsh.  Our goals conceded column is equally as woeful as the goals scored but if you asked any Rams fan who was to blame, the answer would likely be "the defence" not Bywater, Griffin, Mears, McEveley, Todd, Davis, Moore or Leacock (the midfield, most notably Pearson have also been guilty). Some, if not most of those listed, have been multiple offenders and have struggled at least as much as Howard this season. Ask any Rams fan who is to blame for our lack of goals, the chances are they will say "Howard". I suppose its the occupational hazard of being a striker: you are almost always judged by goals and judged as an individual.

A final Steve Howard story from his Wikipedia entry- quite apt after the Blackburn match:

"Howard was almost sacked from Luton in late 2001 after an incident during an away game against York City. The Hatters had been awarded a penalty, and Steve grabbed the ball from the designated penalty taker and promptly missed. However, an infringement was noticed and the penalty was ordered to be re-taken. Against the protests of the senior players and the management team, Howard once again grabbed the ball and stepped up to take the penalty, missing once again. He was substituted immediately afterwards and he walked straight into the changing rooms."  

December 30th

(re-edited morning of the 31st)

In a novel I got for Christmas, one of the characters pretentiously discusses the phrase "déjà vu" by saying the "vulgar use" is to describe experiencing something you've already experienced; whilst the proper use is to describe something you haven't  experienced before but feel you have.  The Blackburn game was a bit of both: it felt as though I'd seen it all before. However, looking at the "proper" meaning: I hadn't already seen the game but at 1-2, I had a good idea of the outcome. I don't think I was the only one. With a few minutes to go and only one goal in it, Derby were pressing on and won a couple of corners. Rather than urging on the equaliser, Rams fans were streaming out of the ground. We didn't play particularly bad but levels of expectation seem as low as ever- the Liverpool and Newcastle games have taught us that we can play well but good things just don't happen to us.

The only notable point of the day was the Jackals introduction of hot cider. Somehow, his household had ended up with a surplus of whiskey, so we decided to reduce the stocks, accompanied by some food provided by yours truly. After some Irish Coffee's, we then tried the internet sourced recipe of whiskey, cider and cranberry juice (in lieu of crème de cassis), served hot. Sounds dodgy but perfect for a winters match. Unfortunately we forgot to invite Bob Malcolm round for a couple of Jackachino's- he could have given us a lift to the ground.  (Bob Malcolm was on the front page of the Telegraph a couple of days ago- my mate Bob's dad asked "who's he?", a genuine "Who are ya!")

December 28th

Text exchange today:

Me: Sky Sports news- Bob Malcolm charged with drink driving

Simon: They should have tested silly Davies when we signed him.

We don't like to stereotype people here at Ramspace (for example, you wouldn't hear us singing- to the tune of "Hey Baby"- "Heeeeeeey Scousers, I wanna knoo-o-o-ow where my stereo?") but Bob Malcolm has single-handedly set the image of the shaven-headed Glaswegian male back ten years. Was the City of Culture all in vain Bob?

December 27th (part 2)

With all the recent furore over two footed tackles, have a look at this by Dean Windass http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKVDsZtaHs

Tri-nations Wooden Spoon updated at:  http://www.journalsofderventio.co.uk/WoodenSpoon.htm

December 27th

A desperately disappointing end to the two Christmas fixtures. If this was a couple of months ago, we could say "at least we won't have a problem competing at this level" but I think it's too late for that now. To make matters worse I had £2 on us to beat Newcastle 2-1 at 40/1.

It was nice to see Rent-a-Quote on the scoresheet as he's an Everton fan (as he told us in the Telegraph before the game). In return, his media profile rose to a post match interview on Match of The Day.

Talking of Match of The Day, one of the panellists after the Newcastle game was Championship specialist Billy Davies (remember him?). Even looking at it objectively, it's an odd concept to have someone with one of the worst Premiership records ever acting the expert. The subject of Newcastle conceding early goals came up and he was asked, as a manager, how to prevent this. His long answer concluded that professional players should know they have to concentrate- that's "do nothing" then. The next question was how Derby could improve their situation- with a wry smile, Billy said we needed to bring some players in during January. In fairness to Billy, he didn't have a bad word to say about the Rams.

December 25th

Happy Christmas!

Thanks to everyone who reads the Journals and thanks for the occasional email that I get- let's have a few more in the New Year!

I hope you occasionally read something you hadn't already heard or have the odd chuckle. Even though there's no commercial element to it at all, there wouldn't be much point if no one ever read it- Up The Rams!

December 22nd

Text exchange:

Simon on Friday night: "Don't know if its true but I've been told that we've released some more tickets for the Liverpool game today" (regular readers will remember I missed the boat on this game).

Me on Saturday: "[some comments about Sunderland] Looked on the official website, no mention of Liverpool tickets."

Simon: "[girlfriend] told me that the guy I was talking to last night is a compulsive liar. Wish she'd told me that before I'd sent about ten texts."

Along with thousands of others this weekend, Simon seems to have ended up at a Christmas do talking to all  kinds of random cranks. I had a similar experience with my wife's work crowd. I turned up sober and soon had my ear bent by a beered-up chap telling a truly heart-wrenching story about another colleague who had discovered his wife (and mother of their three kids) was having an affair (the afflicted party, also there, was evidently in tatters). He concluded by saying "at the end of the day mate, its Christmas. And its his problem. Cheers!".  (A flavour of Christmas in Derby for absent readers).

Back to the subject of Sunderland; I'm no Buddhist but Sunderland's karma seems to be catching up with them rather quickly. I haven't seen the contested goal by Reading at the time of writing but it appears to be making the headlines (I've seen last weeks disallowed goal against Villa and it seemed [bouncing-shoulders-laughter] rather harsh.) I don't recall Sunderland appealing for justice when Fulham had a legitimate second disallowed against them (and subsequently drew) or the linesman made an erroneous decision in the build up to the Mackems winner against us. To quote the Jackals favourite Libertines lyric: "Fuck 'em!"

December 20th

Preview of the Liverpool game written for Sundays Observer:

"Derby v. Liverpool

The last time Derby and Liverpool met, Liverpool scored six times in roughly an hour. After five months of trying, Derby’s “goals for” column now equals six. Given that we’ve already scored once this month, it will take something out of the ordinary for Derby to beat Liverpool.
On the bright side, fixture congestion will be taking its toll (on Liverpool, we’re concentrating on the league) and football’s “silly season” always throws up a few surprises at this time of year. It would be great to base our chances on form or relative strengths of the teams but I’m afraid that’s a non-starter at the moment.

Due a big game-

Giles Barnes. Has struggled for form in a struggling team but if he’s really worth £5-£7m, he’s going to have to show it soon."

The reply was: "Thanks very much, but is there anyone else for due a big game?
There is also a preview for Sunday, done by someone else, and they have
already chosen Barnes..."

Barnes was the obvious choice. Should I go for Bywater? (clean sheet would do nicely) McEveley? ("Jay: Let's show what we're made of" official website today) Earnshaw? (just simply due a game). I decided to plump for:

Kenny Miller: Widely regarded as our top striker but hasn't scored since September.

That's saved you £1.90 on Sunday. 
 

December 19th

(Yesterday's entry has been amended- I didn't upload the whole lot first time)

I see Man Utd.'s Northern Ireland international defender Jonny Evans has been bailed on suspicion of rape. No jokes about Irishman in identity parades shouting "that was her!" please.

December 18th

How the other half live eh? On Saturday the Mirror ran a story about Blackburn's Steven Reid along the line's of "16 month's of hell, my injury torment etc., etc."

The same Steven Reid on Radio 1 on Friday morning: Q. What's the last thing you bought yourself? A. a Bentley.

I presume he wasn't on Statutory Sick Pay then?

It reminds me of an incident a couple of years ago at QPR. We were standing outside a pub in Shepherds Bush when QPR's reserve 'keeper Chris Day drove past. Simon commented "I feel sorry for him, the way his career's gone". We all looked at each other: we were thrilled at saving a tenner on an advance rail ticket; he was driving through West London in a BMW tank.

December 17th

I see rent-a-quote McEveley's at it again in today's Telegraph with the story "Jay McEveley believes Derby County's miserable run of defeats cannot last much longer and that only a “wonder goal” stopped them from grabbing a point against Middlesbrough."

I suppose there's some logic in that. We lost 1-0. If Middlesbrough hadn't have scored it might have been 0-0 (I can't wait for more in-depth analysis by Jay on Setanta Sports in 10 years time). The goal was after 38 minutes though not 94 as at Sunderland. There's a worrying subtext here, the suggestion that if the opposition doesn't score, we might draw 0-0. If they do, we'll lose. Is a Derby goal really that inconceivable?  

December 16th

Eddie Lewis was on the bench yesterday so maybe the official site do know something. Or maybe not.

There really isn't much to say about yesterday that hasn't been said already. To be honest, the defeat didn't particularly sink in at the time; another game, another defeat, we'll start winning sooner or later. (It was possible I was anaesthetised by a pre-match combination of strawberry lager and pear cider. How else do you get your 5-a-day on match day?).

It was only watching Match of the Day on Sunday morning that reality really hit home. Watching Wigan put 5 past Blackburn (remember the Rams have only scored 6 all season) and then seeing Bolton look almost unplayable for spells against Man City (ok they lost but did so in style). If the Rams were to survive, we would be looking to overtake either or both of the aforementioned. Not scrape a result in 90 minutes but out-perform them for half a season. It really is not looking good.

We're not alone though, have a look at http://www.journalsofderventio.co.uk/WoodenSpoon.htm A work in progress at the moment.

December 14th

Logging onto the official website tonight, I was greeted by an advert for the Middlesbrough game accompanied by a picture of Eddie Lewis in full flight. This means either one of two things: whoever does the official website is completely out of touch with the club, the fans and the team; or they are right in the inner circle and Lewis is playing tomorrow. We'll see. The website aren't the only culprits though, the billboards outside the ground regularly run adverts featuring Earnie, yet looking at him for two minutes in a traffic jam is the most you'll see of him.

(In the Neil Hallam article I referred to a couple of days ago, he went through the entire squad, right down to the likes of Miles Addison and James Meredith, about who he'd keep and who he wouldn't. He completely neglected to mention Eddie Lewis. Not intentional I'm sure but it tells a story).

I can't wait until tomorrow, it feels like the first game of the season all over again. The Jackal has stood me up though. Where is he? That's why they call him the Jackal. Keep your eyes peeled- brown hair, medium height, medium build.

December 12th

Does Jay McEveley share the same agent as Craig Burley? Not since Burley was here have I known a player quoted so regularly about everything and anything. I don't know whether its press conferences or press releases but just in the last week we've had: "Jay: Stan helped me get on track" (Stan Ternent took McEveley on loan whilst at Gillingham) and "Rooney showed Jay the way" (the two played together as kids).

A quick search on the Telegraph website finds no end of newspaper filler from the scouse Scotsman, such as: "Jay out to ruffle Italian feathers" (talking about Scotland v. Italy), "Sweet memories fuel Jay's cup quest" (the Carling Cup), "Jay fired up by Cole" (about when he and Andy Cole were at Blackburn) and "McEveley is anticipating a thriller at new Wembley" (self explanatory). There's loads more as well.

I can't wait for him to break his silence on the new fitness coach "He overtook me on the motorway 5 years ago, I knew he was going places..."

December 11th

Having looked at my list of wide left players from yesterday, you could also add Tommy Smith, (I meant Ryan yesterday) and Jon Stead. I'm sure Bisgaard and Jones have done a turn at some stage as well. One noticeable absentee is a player who has been at the club throughout the Davies era and ironically is one of the few natural wide left players we've had- Lee Holmes. From teenage prodigy to 14th choice left winger. I bet he's gutted Davies has gone.

December 10th

Only 5 or 6 months ago, Neil Hallam in The Trader claimed that Derby's promotion was on a par with any sporting achievement you could imagine. However, barely a week after Davies' departure, Hallam gives a less favourable appraisal of the Davies era. He begins by quoting Thomas Edison as saying "I have never failed - I have simply discovered 10 thousand things that do not work" before adding "Davies was [...] almost as prolific a discoverer". (I think half of these experiments involved finding someone to play left wing- Smith, Lupoli, Barnes, Fagan, Teale, Currie, Pearson, Lewis, Camara).

To further put the boot in, he goes on to say that Paul Jewell's first job will be "..clearing out an unwanted surplus of under-achievers stockpiled by his predecessor". A harsh (but true) verdict on a bunch who collectively over-achieved last year. Hallam may as well have saved himself a couple of thousand words with another quotation, this time from the Jackal talking about the Davies era: "most people think- thanks for the Play-Off's- now fuck off!".

I do like Hallam's column though. If nothing else, he's the only local journalist to give an opinion on the Rams. He's also up for throwing in the odd bit of gossip and tittle-tattle- something seemingly punishable by death at the Derby Telegraph.

December 9th

(A shorter version of this appeared yesterday)

It's not often you can lose 4-1 and come away feeling upbeat but today was one of those rare occasions. Coming out for the second half, the big worry was- is this going to be another Arsenal or Liverpool? Especially as we put on another striker and pushed on. If it wasn't for the last half minute and a scandalous dive, we would have drawn the second half 1-1. To a neutral, this would sound like clutching at straws but Rams fans know just how important it was to compete and even better, score. Both players and fans will be ready for next week.

I'm chuffed to bits for Steve Howard scoring his first goal, and the clubs first away goal, at Old Trafford. Ok, as ugly goals go, Iain Dowie could mock this for its lack of beauty but so what? Steve's took more flak than most this year and probably deserved less. A prime example was Villa away when Howard was employed as a lone striker: for 75 minutes or so, every winning header by Howard was greeted with "who the fuckin' hell's that to?"  Earnshaw came an as sub and two Howard headers later, Earnshaw has two clear chances. Let's have a Earnshaw goal now and see the famous somersault (although the Jackal claims he celebrates with a firing-a-machine-gun action. Is it either or both? There's only one way to find out).

For those who don't get The Observer, here's an excerpt from Simon's contribution to The Verdict fans panel: "If one player was going to end our drought, it was Howard and it was at our end too. We took the roof off. The guy next to me was irritating me all game, but I ended up hugging him".

December 7th

I managed to get a couple of tickets for the 'Boro game for a Jeff Kenna each and notice the official site are still pushing this- a shame that after the initial frenzy for Premier League tickets we're struggling to shift them for ten quid a piece. It took some working out where I'd be sitting- the Winfield Stand apparently. The area formerly known as the South Stand and ,in a fleeting moment of fans participation, the Ossie End (what happened to this? Did it fade into the background with the Rams Trust?).

The bigger headline i.e. the money spinner, is hospitality packages for the Liverpool match, with the promise: "packages can be tailored to suit individual needs".  Sounds good but what can it actually mean beyond a load of food and drink? A half-time lap-dance? Recreational drugs? A Pete Doherty acoustic set? (the latter was previously available only in East London flats for cash payment but as the Editor and I witnessed last Friday at Notts Arena, the poet of Arcadia has gone stadium. We tried to engage a few Forest fans in healthy debate regarding our respective clubs; you'd think it was a good time to put the boot into the Rams but no one wanted to know.)

December 6th

I was told today that tickets for the Liverpool match sold out within a couple of hours of going on sale. Is that glorious passion by a club having such a dismal season? Or are true fans missing out because of people paying to see the opposition? (one game a season merchants and local Liverpool "fans" with the on-sale date circled in their diary). I'll give you a clue on my thoughts: using the footballing mentality of taking each game as it comes, I was just working out when to collect my ticket for the 'Boro game...I'll be at home on boxing day though. There is possibly some consolation- according to the official website, there's some tickets to the 'Boro game available for a tenner. Now I've just got to get one as the "buy tickets 24 hours" facility doesn't seem to be working outside office hours.

A fellow Rams fan said an odd thing to me today. Talking about the season, he said "Bywater has hardly saved anything this season...", interesting, I thought, it's not often you hear someone slating Bywater (approximately once a fortnight in my case). He then continued to say "...the finishing in the Premier League is just that good". One way to avoid a karate chop to the wind pipe I suppose. (If this has gone completely over your head, read earlier Journals regarding Bywater's pastimes).

December 4th

How's this for demonstrating the gulf in class between the Championship and Premier League; the four players short listed for November's Player of the Month were: winner Chris Iwelumo, Dean Windass, Akpo Sodje and Jonathan Walters. A group of players with 34 clubs between them already. With due respect, as I daresay they are all solid pro's, I can't imagine any of them making a splash in the Premier League. It's no wonder Championship clubs can charge a king's ransom for anyone who might step up (Chopra, Kamara, Koumas, Jones etc.).

(The player who has most potential to make me eat  my words is Jonathan Walters. Before his season he had a truly woeful record but he's suddenly scored a hatful for Ipswich and been called up by Ireland. If I hadn't used the Roy Keane punch line yesterday it would be here.)

December 3rd

From Simon:

"Random fact. Last away goal in Premiership, away to Sunderland 6 years ago, scored by Marvin Robinson".

For those new to the Journals, Marvin got a mention a couple of months ago as he's played for about 12 clubs since that day. Keep plugging away Marv, if you hit a purple patch I'm sure Roy Keane will lash out £5m on you.

December 2nd

The defeat at Sunderland yesterday was a real kick in the knackers after a decent day, and a decent performance. It all turned sour at about 10 to 5 but I've just written it all for the Times website so click here if you want that bit.

The day started off well enough, arriving in Sunderland in good time and finding a pre-match boozer who's day job seemed to be an indie club. Cheapish beer and a big screen showing the lunchtime game on the dancefloor. We had a slight problem with the language barrier when Simon asked what cob's they had; after repeating three times the bar maid told him they had normal coke or diet coke. (Non- Derby readers: "cobs" are a.k.a. rolls, baps, barn cakes etc. I don't know what they call them in the North-East but it's safer not to walk into home-fans pub and ask the barmaid about her baps).

When we got to the ground, we had to look for the "pay" turnstile as the Jackal had only decided to come at about 11 O'clock on Friday night. As if by magic, the moment we joined the queue, a lady in front of us brandished a fistful of tickets saying "I just don't know what to do with these". 

The tickets were via a player so we all decided to follow the Jackal (as there were other unused spare tickets) thinking that it may be the WAGS section. However, Roy Keane proved to be right about WAGS not fancying Sunderland with the only evidence of players friends and family being a sizeable all-male Steve Howard contingent behind us. (One of them revealed he had a bet on Howard for first goal, last goal and Derby to win 1-0. He nearly had a heart attack when Howard headed over at 0-0 with five minutes to go). By the time I'd identified my seat, Simon was already deep in conversation with one of the ticket bearing women. Purely in search of gossip for the Journals, or future freebies, I'm sure. After a bit of ribbing, he later admitted that he'd sat next to the same bloke for seven years at Pride Park and never spoken to him!

I don't particularly want to go into the match as I think I've analysed it enough either in conversation or in my own mind. It would probably suffice to say that the first thing I did when I logged on tonight was to have a punt on Sunderland getting relegated- 3/1 at Stan James.

Journals October to November 2007

Journals August to September 2007

Journals of Derventio 2006/7 Season