November 30th

A few of us were talking before the Ipswich game about how the refrain from the Fratelli's Chelsea Dagger would be a far, far better way to celebrate a goal than the tired cliché of the old Piranha's tune (that is if we must have music to remind us we've scored). Lo and behold, this morning I receive a sound clip on my phone (albeit of dubious quality). So close your eyes, imagine Lupoli has just punched the winner and click here.

November 30th

Anyone remember Lubos Kubik, one of two Czech internationals Maxwell tried to bring to the Rams in the 80's? Well twenty years later his visa application is sorted and he's in the UK. He's the new Torquay manager.

(The other chap, Ivo Knoflicek, is now selling Goldrush tickets on the Wilmorton side approach to Pride Park. Anyone who remembers him and has seen the ticket seller in the "crazy" hat will get this).

November 28th

Freddy Adu's American coach is advising him against moving to Man U "Does Freddy want to have to go to Watford on a rainy Wednesday where he'll have 6ft 4in goons on his back all night?" well it's preferable to having 6ft 4in goons in helmets clothes-lining you in the name of sport.

November 27th

Seth Johnson in the DET: "It might be a different kind of game to the Leicester match because Ipswich are capable of playing some nice stuff"

What are you trying to say about the egg chasers Seth?

November 25th

It's often said that being a good coach does not equal being a good manager as the added complications of buying, selling and handling players can be too much. It's something Charlton's new boss Les Reed is well aware of and he's got his own methods to overcome this: "Andy [Les' son] has also been looking through his PlayStation for players around the world who might be available in the January transfer window." I sincerely hope he was joking.

Having said that, it could have served Phil Brown better than Murdo's little black book.

November 25th

Is Neil Warnock the new Bob Geldolf?

Apparently his kids school are collecting shoes to send to Africa. He writes in the Independent "..we went to China pre-season and I came back with several pairs of casual shoes...one day Sharon [his wife] started saying "what's that smell?"...they may smell odd but are spotless, and I'm sure someone would rather wear them than be without any shoes"

Don't hold your breath for thank you cards Neil... 

November 23rd

Text received from my dad:

Chant of the day in the Daily Telegraph "He eats Chow Mein and he votes Sinn Fein, in his Nakamura wonderland"

10 out of 10 for innovation even if the Chow Mein line for the Japanese would be like weaving a haggis reference into an England chant.

November 23rd

Apologies to any Hull fans for my kiss of death on their revival last week.

November 20th

I think the whole concept of "emergency loans" needs re-branding for next season to get away from this idea of "Is that 999? I need a right back". Either drop the word emergency or make all the loanee's wear an identical red cross uniform regardless of the team they're playing for.

November 16th 2006

How about this from World Soccer: a chap in Greece (or Cyprus) came on as sub and was instantly booked for wearing a necklace or chain of some kind. He left the field as requested by the ref, removed the offending item, then ran back on. The ref instantly booked him again for entering the field of play without permission and sent him off! Harsh or what?

November 16th 2006

As I logged on to the DET website as usual at lunch time, I cast a suspicious glance around the office to see if someone had put a hallucinogenic in my tea. I was just about to enjoy the moment and listen to some New Rave (©NME) when I realised that I was not experiencing flashbacks but the Rams Trust had submitted yet another column to the formula of: sing the praises of the new board; make a few snide references to the old board; give a token mention of a flag they're trying to buy. Come on fella's change the record and DO SOMETHING.

(The "flag" seems a bit like a young lad buying his dad a 7" single to me; he could afford to buy it himself but it gives the young lad a sense of achievement and keeps him out of mischief for a while. I believe Man City's community projects include sourcing local produce for corporate dining, powering the stadium by sustainable sources and helping local literacy- in case you were looking for some ideas).

November 15th 2006

Where are you now you are shit ?

Leeds Utd: one of the biggest clubs in Europe, Man Utd's biggest rivals, too big for the division...living in cloud cuckoo land.

Of 12 matches played in the Championship on Saturday, Leeds' home crowd was the 8 highest in the division. If Hull had a few hundred more, Leeds would have been in a bottom four including Southend and Luton whose combined capacity is less than half of Elland Road (interestingly, the other team was league leaders Cardiff. Despite still not pulling the punters with their best season in years, they plan to move to massive new stadium soon. Could there be a Risdale/overambition theme here?.)

Still in the Championship; has anyone noted Hull's mini revival since Phil Brown joined as coach? Maybe it's coincidence but good luck to the chap I say. Especially after losing the lucrative post he held last year (I suppose there was no point in Channel 5 retaining him after Bolton lost to Marseille).

November 12th 2006

Two facts about Rams target Freddy Eastwood from The Observer:

1) He lives in a static caravan for which "he thoughtfully didn't trouble.. [the council].. with the tedium of a planning application" (the picture of the house shows it to be quite stylish and better than your average Barratt box)

2) He has a daughter called Chardonnay. (I thought such names were urban myths but that's Essex and this is Derbyshire- let's respect different cultures).

November 12th 2006

Text on saturday afternoon: "saturday afternoon and I'm in Boots baby section with things whacking against my shins"

Text on saturday evening: "I'm going to Boots every saturday until we lose"

November 12th 2006

One of the great things about football is that one man's Unibond 6-pointer is another man's Champions League Semi. Scanning through the FA Cup results, I bet few of you paused to check the Gillingham vs. Bromley score. Here's what the Kent derby meant to a Bromley fan "..been waiting 15 years for this...we are taking 1000.." (The Observer said biggest game for 30 and 1500 fans).

Unfortunately, Bromley lost 4-1 having conceded twice in the last 6 minutes. I hope they at least had chance for a fancy dress conga.

(info courtesy of the Jackal)

November 10th 2006

Anglo-Korean relationships...

"I now live with Joo. Her parents are fine with it. They only had one condition - there are two bedrooms. Yep, they actually believe that I sleep on the sofa, despite the double bed that's in "joo's" room. The family came round on sunday. her brother-in-law clocked it straight away, saying "why don't you just sleep together?" in a nose-tapping way. Why don't you just shut up!? , I thought"

(taken from email from Andy)

November 10th 2006

Another Noel Gallagher interview, another clutch of hilarious quotes:

On airport security in America:

"I had a problem with my visa in the states recently, where I got pulled in Texas and grilled for about two and a half hours. I'm there going 'just phone anyone in England! Email them a photo! Ask them and they'll go 'Oh that's 'im out of Oasis"

His summary of the current east-west political tensions:

"It's bad darts man"

On the subject of music, next time you see a music video, see how many times you can count to two before the frame changes. You'll feel like you've got MTV induced epilepsy in no time (the more modern and poppier the video, the greater/worse the effect). Fortunately I've only got The Hits and TMF so its rare that you could count to two without the channel changing.

November 6th 2006

Two ex-Rams players known by their middle names:

1)Jonathan Craig Short.

2) Rowan Lee Mills.

November 6th 2006

The Journals readership spreads...

From today's Derby Telegraph: Davies sorry about lying "I would like to apologise for telling lies" said Davies.

Fair enough, let's all move on.

(see November 3rd)

November 4th 2006

If anyone fancies a massive pre match build up, I notice that the Portland Hotel now serves booze from 6am. I went past around seven this morning and there were a fair few supping. I could have done with this to get me through the Gregory days.

November 3rd 2006

I was talking to Simon, before the Young Knives gig last week, about the amount of spin that seems to surround everything that happens nowadays (our conversation was about selling Tommy and Idi- it was because the old board didn't give him a contract, because the old board did give him a contract, they weren't committed, they weren't part of Billy's plans, it was good money- blimey, my heads spinning already).

This week has been no exception with the grumblings surrounding Lee Grant being dropped. I'm all for managers making tough decisions because that's what their paid for but the spin was bewildering; firstly we had "Stephen is older, has more experience" (yes he is 18 months older but at the time of writing Grants played more league games fact fans) followed by "There is no number one, it is the keeper who is in possession of the jersey". Once Grant was in possession of said jersey we had "Granty has done brilliantly...with young players, it is important knowing when to put them in and take them out...the situation was right to give him a breather" (Ryan Smith must have been knackered for the rest he's been given) and now, finally after Bywater's iffy display against Barnsley we have "Stephen is the number one...he was brought in as the number one".

Come on Bill, we're looking for a long term relationship here, just be up front.

(meanwhile, another embarrassingly sycophantic column by the RamsTrust talks about having trust).

November 3rd 2006

A court case involving Boston Utd has revealed a bizarre chain of events that saw a simple tax fiddle take them from the Unibond status to their current football league place. They simply made cash payments for wages and signing on fee's then claimed they were "expenses", saving £323,000 of tax in the process. Boston attracted better players, won matches, got more fans (crowds up 1000% over the period) and eventually found themselves in the football league.

A Boston Trust spokesman said "The people of Boston were embarrassed, annoyed and fed up with the events of the past five years ". I bet he was devastated the night they got promoted.

November 1st 2006

It's often said that football is the only trade where you can do awful job yet still earn a huge bonus, so it's interesting to hear that our friends down the A52 are being sued by David Platt for £50,000 owed. So what was loadsa-lire's achievement  to warrant such a bonus? Promotion? Cup Final? No, finishing 11th in the Championship. No wonder so many relegated clubs end up mid table the following year(hello Norwich, Southampton, Coventry, Wolves etc. etc.).

Just imagine what a club like Forest could buy with £50,000: Scott Dobie's shoulder, a few weeks of Andre Silenzi, David Johnson's tummy. Seriously though, they might need a good run in the Johnstone Paints cup to top up the coffers now. I wonder what the profit was on their 2,013 home gate against Brentford last night? Clue- "early rewards are not high" (Forest spokesman).

October 31st 2006

You might notice an increase in activity on the jukebox since my discovery of cheap legal downloads at Russian website www.allofmp3.com. The yanks are up in arms about it saying that selling music so cheap is a serious threat to Russia's chances of joining world trade agreements. Russia's reply? How can we expect people to pay $1 a song when they could buy two bottles of vodka for the same amount. Now that's what I call free trade comrades.

October 27th 2006

A thoughtful David James on his fellow goalkeepers:

"Goalkeepers are seen as eccentric, solitary and insular. Like the trainspotter at the end of the platform, marking down numbers"

Is that why so many of our 'keepers are looking at platform 6 when there's a ball to be caught?

October 27th 2006

You are the ref....

Excerpt from The Complete Record about our 6-0 Cup Final defeat to Bury:

"Methaven then went in goal but without informing the referee who, in an act of mercy, waited until the final whistle before informing Derby's skipper that he should have awarded a penalty every time hands were used."

October 27th 2006

My heart sank as I saw the new "Frankie and Benny's" opposite the stadium. It won't be long until an actual baseball ground will blend in better with McDonalds, KFC, Old Orleans, Pizza Hut and everything else that makes Pride Park look like a toy town in the U.S. 

October 19th 2006

Talking about nicknames, how about this one first heard at QPR- "Dean Sportif" (think about it)

Other events of the day:

●Talking on the train over a few bottles about old school office culture i.e. smoking at neighbouring desks, the boss having a bottle of whiskey in his top draw (we assume he also drove home) and routinely having 3-4 pints at lunch before returning to work. (Not all of us were old enough to see all the above in action I may add).

●Discovering Gurkha Lamb in a Nepalese restaurant on Uxbridge Road.

●Deciding to offer an old friend a surplus "Zambian FA" free ticket after seeing him queuing up. If he hasn't got one it's like giving him 24 quid we reasoned. "Have you got a ticket?" we asked "Yeah, have you ? Are you trying to push in?" was his reply with half the queue staring. Try to do someone a favour eh? Proof, if ever, that living in London can be hazardous to your your manners Dave.

●The train manager announcing that we would not be stopping in Nottingham, as planned, was met by loud cheers- much to the bemusement of non-football travellers.

October 18th 2006

Forgot to mention- I saw some cartons of Um Bongo for sale in Lisbon.

October 16th 2006

Fans panel analysis in the DET:

"Mo Camara: Comfortable in defence but struggles going forward"

Isn't this the wrong way round?

October 15th 2006

Ex-Rams loanee Richard Money (6 appearances 1982) has one of the best nicknames I've heard for a while. Apparently the Walsall boss is known in those parts as "Dicky Dosh"!

October 8th 2006

Apparently Carlton Palmer is now an estate agent after "Terry Butcher, Garth Crooks and Ray Stubbs started saying 'Carlton can you sort us out somewhere?'" He adds "..my profile of Carlton Palmer is actively involved. My pictures on the website".

So how does the Carlton Palmer brand translate into the world of estate agents ?

"I had one of two abusive calls...The guy who called left his number on my phone. I told him: 'You're not as clever as you think. Within 24 hours I can get any address. If you phone my house late at night again I'll have someone come round and sort you'"

Don't gazump Carlton whatever you do...

October 8th 2006

Love Thy Neighbour...

How about this for a description of Birmingham City by a Villa fan in The Observer: "Faceless journeyman, mercenaries and feral fans..."

October 7th 2006

If Keith and Murdo found having their mobile numbers in circulation a bit of a pain, they should spare a thought for Simon Jordan. The Palace chairman has just been granted a restraining order against an obsessive woman who, as well as the usual stalker antics, filled his voicemail by reading books down the phone!

Using the above tactic, I suggest the Complete Record might be a good weapon should RPG ever have to reform"...Calvin Plummer, outside-right, 1983-4. Played 23 league games, scored 3 goals...." 

August to September Journals