March 31st

In the interests of balance and fairness, I should say that the Rams Trust column has improved ten fold over the past couple of weeks.

I say this mainly because this weeks column sings the praises of Simon Carnell, a chap I know who has been coaching kids in Derby for years. I'm pleased to hear the projects going so well. I just hope he's lost his youthful fondness for a certain Premiership club from North London! (not that one, the other one).

The column is via the "columnists" link on the DET website.

I'm off to Barnsley now, see you there! 

March 29th

The following at Barnsley will be at least 7,402. After having no joy at Pride Park a mate went to Oakwell to bag a pair of tickets. Look out for the windmill arms and charging stewards if we score.

March 29th

The Bremner / Makanaky pictures are on the Myspace "View: my pics" (see March 25th).

(Whilst looking for the Bremner picture, I came across a site entitled "mightyleeds.co.uk". Their history ends completely at the play-off final last year. Every season since 1905 is detailed but no 2006/7. Maybe they've switched to another site using a more apt adjective. The chap also had a PayPal link for donations if you liked the site- isn't that internet busking?)

March 27th

Text from someone who's read the Maradona book (see January Journals):

"See Campy's token PR on Radio D and DET? Surely not [Snip!..the local rumour mill is suggesting that some of the recent press allegations have stemmed from Lee Camp]. That thermos head has let the tortoise get away big time"

Just for the record as I know most readers are out of the reception area for Radio Derby, his "token PR" was "saying he wanted to come back and fight for is place". 

March 25th

How about this for a debacle:

Southampton unveiled a £112,000 statue of Saints legend Ted Bates (no, me neither) only to remove it days later after complaints from fans. Some thought it looked like Portsmouth saviour Milan Mandrovic whilst others said it resembled Wee Jimmy Krankie!

(Talking of poor statue's, is it just me or does the Billy Bremner statue outside Elland Road resemble Cameroon's 1990 midfielder Cyrill Makanaky? i.e. the attempts at Bremner's coarse ginger hair look like dreadlocks.)

March 25th

John Toshack's analogy for having a small squad:

"It's like having a blanket in bed. If you put it over your feet your head gets cold. If you place it over your head then it's your feet that suffer"

March 23rd

Something you may be interested to know (but equally as likely not to give a flying Aylesbury about): you may wonder how Beckham can become the highest paid footballer in the world by going to the US, yet those touted to join him are generally average Championship players about to be released (no offence Daz). The reason is that a salary cap is in place, allowing only one player per team to be paid above this level (around £2,000 a week I think, great for us but not a footballer). So now you know.

March 23rd

A few events that may or may not be related:

A draft of the RamTrust bingo is written for Ramspace. The following 2 RamsTrust rams.co.uk columns are almost a full house. RamsTrust bingo is published. The following 2 RT columns mention none of the favoured phrases and the second talks about their on-line critics. The next column admits it's difficult to be original each week. The column disappears from the rams.co.uk news section.

Come on chaps, we were only joking, no offence intended.

March 21st

I've set up a myspace page at www.myspace.com/journalsofderventio I'm not exactly sure how to use it but if anyone wants to do whatever you do there, feel free.

March 21st

After the talk last week about the laughable idea's to spice up the Championship, it's worth those involved having a look at the UEFA Cup and how it's gone from being one of the great tournaments to InterToto part 2 status within a couple of years.

The endless stream of mid-table match up's is running the competition into the ground. We've had Livorno's owner wishing they were out so they could concentrate on the league (why? to get into Europe?), Blackburn letting some fans in free to get a crowd and then the ultimate hammer blow to the competition's credibility...Middlesbrough got to the final.

March 21st

It's been reported that we could be in the market for a defender before transfer (i.e. loan) deadline day. I've heard there's a young international centre back at Barnsley who's quite good.

March 20th

Apparently Phil Brown will be stripping off for the Hull programme after pledging to do so to back the club's "win-a-player" bid (something to do with a fizzy pop company I think). I wonder many Yorkshire dockers saw that as an incentive?

March 20th

One readers suggestion for the Telegraphs "Roar On The Rams" campaign was to get the current squad to record a rendition of "Steve Bloomers Watching". With our longest serving first teamer being here a little over 18 months, I'm not sure how much passion would be conjured up for a song about The Rams heritage. I can just imagine "Craig, I want you to play inside right/ left wing/ in the hole....and I want you to handle the second verse".

March 16th

Darren Currie has announced that American football (i.e. football in America rather than anything involving helmets) wasn't for him as he missed "the whole 3pm on a Saturday afternoon thing". Sorry Daz but you've come to the wrong place, after tomorrow it will be August at the earliest at Pride Park and if we get promoted...well... don't hold your breath.

(Lazy headline writers have had a field day with puns on his name. I wonder if the East Stand will go for a "Ruby, Ruby, RUBY" chant? - apologies to any overseas readers not familiar with either rhyming slang or the UK pop charts).

March 15th

Apparently it's being considered that the Championship should do away with draws and decide drawn matches with a penalty shout-out. With crowds comparable with Serie A and half the league with a genuine chance of promotion it's unbelievable that someone thinks it's all a bit boring. I suggest that person takes up another sport  e.g. Basketball, American Football (hang on... it wasn't Mike Horton's idea was it?).

(I think, paradoxically, this ludicrous idea would encourage half the league to play for a draw. For example, teams with no chance of promotion such as Stoke and Leicester would be propelled into promotion slots if you converted half their 15 draws to wins. In this parallel universe QPR's Danny Cullip would become the league's M.V.P. - I've got the lingo already- for his services to time wasting and the next generation of managers -led by John Gregory- would be less concerned with a 4-4-2 or 3-5-2 and more with how many times they can grab the ball and polish it).

March 15th

A good comment by Mike Newell after his sacking at Luton:

"It takes three or four years to build a reputation as a decent manager and three months to lose that reputation", it wasn't long since he was being interviewed at Pride Park. The statement may also soon ring true for the Psychopath at Man City less than a year after being touted for the England job.

There's always an exception to the rule though and in Dennis Wise's case it seems to be that a few good months at Millwall have bought him years of management credits.

March 14th

Burnley have their own season ticket offer: if they get promoted next season, season ticket holders will get a free season ticket in the Premiership. Would this backfire if they went up? Not if the chairman bets a slice of the takings on promotion. With Burnley rank outsiders they'd cover the freebies and end up with a fair size transfer kitty. (Don't tell the Football League though, they might not be best pleased).

March 13th

Next years season ticket prices have been announced and the prices have been frozen even if we reach the Premiership. Clubs often use the "even if we reach the Premiership" line as a point of great generosity (everyone does it, not just us) but don't forget you get three less games for your money so the few quid premium per game is built in. Who will be first club to say "match tickets will remain the same, so if we go up, your season ticket will cost less"? 

March 11th

With Sunderland's winning streak showing no signs of letting up, it's interesting to note their next two fixtures: Stoke and Hull at home. It's not long ago since another promotion chaser was looking at those two fixtures thinking "that's another 6 points". Let's hope Sunderland's yield is similar.

March 10th

Dilemma I faced last week: I been having problems with my Broadband for ages and finally BT reluctantly sent someone out. It seemed to be going well until I ambled into the lounge with my DCFC mug. The chap said "ooh Derby fan...I'm a Tricky Tree" (is there a more camp nickname?). I desperately  wanted my Broadband fixing so chanting "we are top of the league" whilst doing "let's all have a disco arms" was definitely out the question. But how could I make conversation without it sounding like I was taking the piss? e.g. "Scunthorpe eh? that's a tough game" or "Yeovil have come a long way haven't they" or even "I suppose we'll play you again some time, maybe in the cup or something". I settled for "oh right, sure you don't want a drink"

(Our American readers, approximately 10%, are unlikely to experience this predicament).

March 10th

Suggestions for  DET "Help Us Cheer The Rams to The Winning Post" campaign:

1)Several hundred seats should be reserved for a "Pay on the gate" turnstile, freeing up the ticket office for those who have to buy future home/away tickets when they come to Pride Park. (On that topic a £30+ walk up price for a game like Stoke is absurd. For each person who buys in advance, a spontaneous punter will be put off. £20-25 is about acceptable. It may only seem like a few pounds but if we were mid-table people would really begrudge it e.g. "Ryan Smith? that's 100,000 fivers without his wages and we never see him!". As we're near the top, no one is really asking whether it's private money or club money that's being spent.)

[No cash sales is actually the Jackals bugbear- if I get any free tickets I promise I'll text him the score]

2) As a rule of thumb, music in grounds suffocates rather than creates atmosphere. It should be used sparingly. Just because other people do it doesn't mean it's a good idea.

3) The chap who comes on the pitch with a microphone, jeans and trainers "I'm one of you" image needs a makeover. Even better, a "personality" e.g. ex-player, Radio Derby, club official (electric blue blazer, welcome t'Baseball Ground etc.).

Finally, I wasn't convinced by your proposed choices for the campaign so may I suggest "Destination Premiership: Get On Board" Midland Mainline may even offer discounted tickets for Palace away. 

March 8th

It's a week since since I wrote "let's look again this time next week" and after the week we've had I may as well milk it. Top of the league and ten points clear of the play-off's; the chances of us being overtaken by the Welsh resurgent's is now best described as just about mathematically possible. Not that I'm getting carried away but everyone I speak to is full of their own theories, calculations and speculations. Here's a few:

Anyone who's 10 points behind us has to win four more games than us, with only 10 left, they're looking at 100% records; Even teams like Sunderland are looking at 7 or 8 victories out of 10; Law of averages dictate that Craig Fagan will score at least one or two this season; None of our opponents after the International break are in the top 10. The Leeds game will be irrelevant.

March 8th

Away kits: a bit of variation to traditional colours? a necessity of the modern game? The root of all evil according to Gerald Mortimer in his DET column this week. Within the space of a few short paragraphs, Gerald went from: Away kits being primarily to sell shirts, to portly middle aged men squeezing into them and "car parks often become changing rooms" (eh?). Apparently the same principle of "everyone is a participant" leads to people dressed as "carrots or a nun...sinking copious amounts of beer" at Test matches. However, "the worst neighbours are to be found at football games..Drummers for a start" or "those who shout through a loud hailer".

Train of thought? it sounds like Gerald's been on the Weed Bus* to me.

Next week: how Lee Grant's pink Goalkeeping second strip is perpetuating the poverty trap of South-East Asia.

*obscure early 1990's E.P. by scousers The Stairs lent to me last week by my brother. See Jukebox for band leader Edgar Jones' current work.

March 5th

The Leeds situation is descending more and more into a Sunday league farce with club captain Kevin Nicholls announcing that he wants to pack in and play for a team with his mates. Ironically, Leeds play Luton this Saturday. Don't the leave the teamsheet lying Denis.

March 4th

Credit to Billy Davies for publicly stating, before Fridays match, that "we will certainly be in the mix come the end of the season". After the three winless games, columnists and commentators were falling over themselves to graciously accept defeat with all this "mustn't grumble, we would have been happy with mid-table" rubbish. The air of resignation felt like the whole promotion campaign had turned into a Tim Henman quarter final.

March 4th

Jackal's analysis of Giles Barnes' wonder show against Colchester:

"I think Giles Barnes has had a disco biscuit"

(I'm sure he hadn't or any other performance enhancing substance other than Lucozade. And there's no suggestion that he ever has etc. etc.)

March 1st

If you think there's a mood of pessimism around at the moment, try this for size; a letter to the DET:

"I cannot see Derby being anywhere near automatic promotion in May and I would not be at all surprised to see the Rams finish just outside the play-off's...Wolverhampton Wanderers and the resurgent Cardiff City all likely to be above us."

Calm down! Let's not forget, if we win on Friday we're back to the top with most of the others playing each other over the weekend. I'm not making any predictions after my previous public predictions but let's look again this time next week (privately, my predictions have made a few quid, literally a few quid, but better than losing eh?).

Just for the record, the "resurgent Cardiff" have basically won one more than us this month. I won't count cup games or I'd have to mention their Welsh Cup semi-final defeat to New Saints F.C. and that would just be childish wouldn't it?

(New Saints F.C. are the new incarnation of European heavyweights Total Network Solutions.) 

Febraury 28th

A crap joke you might already have heard:

Alan Curbishley is encouraging his players to use their mobiles whilst driving...it's their best chance of getting 3 points.

February 27th

Lupoli has signed a 5 year contract at Fiorentina and will be gracing Serie A next season (with the announcement on Monday, I wonder if he was admiring the works of Michelangelo whilst we were failing to kill off Sunderland). It must be frustrating to see himself slipping down the pecking order whilst Fagan, Macken and even Pesch are given chance after chance to find their form, even playing more of his preferred 4-4-2 recently to accommodate this. He was halfway to a 20 goal haul before the "increased competition" started giving him splinters (or the plastic seat equivalent).

The situation reminds me of when Lineker spent an unhappy season on the wing at Barcelona before returning home to score a hatful (not that Lupoli's the "new Lineker" but nor are we Barcelona).

February 24th

Birmingham's DJ Campbell has claimed that relegation has been a massive culture shock for the clubs players and fans saying "...this isn't the type of football the fans are used to". Has he ever wondered what Birmingham were up to for the 20 odd years before the recent blip in history?

February 23rd

How to ensure a warm welcome at the Stadium of Light by Steve Howard:

"I have been a Newcastle United supporter all my life. All my family are Newcastle fans and I used to have a season ticket..."

Good luck Steve!

February 22nd

The less said about the Stoke game the better (can't win 'em all etc.). One thing that did bug me though was the music. At half time: 25,000 people want to a) talk about the game b) hear the half-time scores...so some bright spark decides to play a "Monkee's Megamix" at a million decibels. It felt like a bad wedding. The trick was then repeated at the final whistle, as we shuffled out the ground an obscure Madness track attacked my ears. Did it cheer me up? I nearly ripped my seat out.  

On a brighter note; how to prick someone's pomposity-

NME interviewer: "Have you ever been in a band?"

Interviewee (bloke from T4): "Yes..we were kind of Red Hot Chilli Peppers meets Gorillaz shaking the hand of Gomez with a nod to Nirvana"

Interviewer: "That sounds like the worst band of all time".

The interviewee confessed that this particular blend indeed "went down like a shit sandwich".

February 22nd

I had to smile at the story yesterday where David Nugents' comments that Preston are more attacking under Simmo were taken as a grave personal insult by Billy Davies. First Billy claimed that the comments "don't have any substance...Preston may have scored a few more goals than us...but we've conceded less" (I thought more goals = more attacking, less conceded = more defensive. He didn't say "better", that would have been without substance). He then went on to his most spectacular bout of self-congratulation yet by claiming "whether he l[Nugent] likes it or not I am responsible for where he is...I'm very proud to be the manager who took a £90,000 player and turned him into a £6m player"

And for my next trick...Craig Fagan!

February 19th

One of the few points of interest from the Plymouth match was the burst of the Fratelli's Chelsea Dagger after the goals and after the match. It was suggested in these very pages back in November (complete with soundclip) and by Chris in the Barometer that the Rams should do this, instead I suppose we'll adopt it in about a years time when tried and tested by everywhere else.

On the related theme of "lad rock" there was a great moment at The Twang gig at the Vic Inn last night when some between song banter turned into a "we are top of the league" chant from the crowd. A real "terrace" moment.

February 19th

Is the DET's Steve Nicholson secretly hankering for a career in the red top's? His report on the Plymouth game contained two dreadful puns in the first few paragraphs. First we had "Derby may have flown down for the game but they never took off..." swiftly followed by "Never mind Plymouth Hoe, Derby know all about Plymouth woe".

February 16th

How about this "bonus" scandal? Supposedly not a big deal but the PFA are sorting it out. Lads, didn't anyone ever tell you, never talk about wages with your workmates, it will always end in tears. Whatever next, Pearo and Bob discuss Northern Ireland?

February 16th

Dennis Wise seems to be getting a bit over excited about last weeks team sheet leak. He claims the culprit will never play for Leeds again yet doesn't know who it is. Dennis, he's probably already played for Leeds again.

The punchline was going to be "let's see how strong his principles are when on the eve of their must win game at Pride Park in May it's revealed to be [insert name of good Leeds player]". The problem is, after several hours of trying, I couldn't think of any. (Healy and Cresswell crossed my mind but he doesn't play either of them).

February 16th

It seems to be a "challenging" time for the Rams Trust at the moment, after all the flak regarding the flag, Gerald Mortimer has now had a swipe at them in the DET about their pre-occupation with all things "community". The irony of this is that Derby County have now been nominated for a "Business Commitment to the Community award" for the number of kids coached last year. Bearing in mind the priorities of the new board would (quite rightly) have been getting a manager and sorting the finances, it's likely to have been the old board who set this going. Is anyone from RT available to present Jeremy Keith with this prestigious award?

February 13th

According to the DET's Business Weekly, Ted McMinn has started a new business as a taxi and courier service. There's a picture of him in his white van with his name and mobile emblazoned on the side (ok stalkers it's 07969 752329). Let's hope he doesn't have to drive around Nottingham too much with that on display!

February 12th

"It's Geoffrey and Bungle"

Jackals comment on Hull's double substitution of Ray Parlour and Dean Windass.

February 11th

Steve Coppell on the signing of Kevin Doyle:

"I can't really remember what it was I particularly liked about Kevin when I watched him in Ireland, I had five pints of Guinness in the afternoon and it was all a bit blurred"

A refreshing approach in this world of sports science and ProZone. Refreshing for him anyway.

February 9th

I see Billy has won another coke bottle, How many before he gets a free sports bag?

Febraury 8th

According to a Hull fan at work, some of them are planning to boycott Saturday's match in protest against the £27 pay on the gate price. (My first thought was- if you're planning so far ahead, buy a ticket and avoid the price hike as my colleague did. It may be £4 dearer than Barnsley but you get what you pay for).

The problem with these kind of boycott's is that for every genuine Geoffrey there's 20 who would never have gone in the first place but try to claim watching Grandstand with a Pot Noodle is actually a protest and not the laziness/ apathy it might appear to be.

It always brings to mind a caller I heard on the moan-in about this time last year. He claimed he "refused" to watch the Rams anymore. When asked when the last time he went was, his answer was something like "seven years". Not an armchair supporter then but a one-man guerrilla war.

I've been staging my own protest against the Premier League since we got relegated and against lower division football since the mid-80's.

February 7th

Amongst the many column inches written about West Ham's Argentineans, one of the most interesting things I read was about Danny Shittu (now Watford) a precedent for private ownership of a player. Apparently when Shittu signed for QPR, QPR were so broke a fan agreed to fund his transfer fee and wages, getting unspecified rights in return. What the article didn't say however was what happened when QPR sold him for £1.6m this summer.

February 7th

I see Bryan Robson has declared that he was interested in the England U/21's job. The country's best players in his hands? I'm sure I speak for the nation when I say "thanks but no thanks Bry".

In other managerial news, Lubos Kubik has left Torquay already (see earlier journals if this means nothing to you).

February 4th

Goal celebrations at Southampton:

"One row from front. One broken seat, grazed arms and legs, glasses retrieved from pitch eventually".

"It was greatest ever all seater mental. Cut me bloody nose as well".

February 4th

A few interesting things from the papers over the weekend:

Neil Warnock claims that he was able to sign Jon Stead because "no-one else was interested". I wonder if that included us?

Stephen Bywater apparently wears the number 43 shirt in tribute to Les Sealey who died at the age of 43.

The Southampton fan giving the fans view in the Observer obvious fancies himself as a bit of a comedian. He reckons "The visitors rode their luck so much that I'm backing Derby to win the Cheltenham Gold Cup, the Grand National and The Derby" (you forgot the Championship sunshine - 2/1 still available).

He also adds "Idiakez was dreadful. If he is creative, there must have been some crayons hidden in his socks".

February 1st

Email received at work today:

"I have to keep pinching myself. 6 points clear, 7 new players, Birmingham sell their best player and lose at home, 5th round of the cup, Forest imploded, Leicester flirt with relegation, Leeds are bottom. This cannot last?"

How's that for a list?

February 1st

I could see the rationale for scrapping the reserve team but all of a sudden it seems a shame. No, not because Mick Derby's social life has been in tatters for 2 years but with our 30+ squad we'd probably be collecting more silverware. Poor Ryan Smith was closer to the first team at Arsenal. 

December to January Journals

October to November Journals

August to September Journals